This Worldly World

I have been watching the abortion and human trafficking videos put out by The Center For Medical Progress. They are disturbing and there are many who can't watch them because of their callousness. I am not going to recommend them to anyone, except maybe to the president's top aide who likes to report on them in press conferences but has never watched them. It all just makes me fear for the future of our society.

I felt that as a concerned citizen, I had a responsibility to know what they were all about. First I just have to say that the people involved in producing those videos should be hailed for their bravery, dedication and hard work. I perhaps dug a little deeper into the evil that is behind abortion than I wanted to and I can only say that I felt so disturbed and distraught by what I found that I craved the Spirit of God more than ever before; my prayers were more heartfelt, I needed to listen to church music regularly, I needed to get to the temple and I saw many clear and direct contrasts with my temple worship experience.  

I don't want to go into what I learned because it is too disturbing for some, but at the same time I see too many people that I care about turn a blind eye to what is going on and that, to me, is the most disturbing thing of all. I have had many scriptures going through my head. One is Ephesians 6:10-12...

 10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

I am at times so amazed by the lies of the adversary. I am not sure what is more surprising, the lies he tells or the number of people who believe them. He is real but the lies he tells can't hold any water they all lead to corruption, destruction and death. Our Father in Heaven is and will always be more powerful than he is. The adversary is on the losing side and yet that doesn't stop him from fighting or amassing recruits and it all is just so unbelievable to me. I can't see that it boils down to anything more than the pride of the world.

I just want to make sure I make myself clear, although I am imperfect, I am so grateful that I have put my trust in the God of Heaven. I am so grateful for righteous but imperfect parents who raised me in truth. I am grateful for the restoration of the gospel that has brought truth and hope to the world. I am grateful for the covenants I have made with God and that I seek serve him and do his work.

I need to make sure that I end this post on a hopeful and positive note because Jesus Christ gives us great reason for hope. The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about love, hope, life, creation, progression and godliness.

14 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the power of the Lamb of God, that it descended upon the saints of the church of the Lamb, and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory. (1 Nephi: 14:14)

 21 And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw?

 22 And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things.

 23 And he spake unto me, saying: Yea, and the most joyous to the soul. (1 Nephi 11:21-23)

 20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

 21 And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen. (2 Nephi 31:20-21)

Sometimes it is in the contrast between light and dark that we find the truth and I feel that my eyes have been opened to some degree to the unseen spiritual powers in this world.

I'll close with the words of Mormon to his son Moroni who watched the destruction of his people...

25 My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever.

 26 And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power, until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever. Amen. (Moroni 9:25-26)

Life Isn't Fair

Over the last week and also in the past I have thought about life being fair. I remember when I was a child I thought that everything had to be fair and equal. I remember after a few hours of rolling newspapers in the back of our hatch-back early one morning, my mom and I went to the bakery to get a pastry, which rarely happened because we were very poor. My mom was just going to buy something for us. I thought to myself in my maybe seven year old brain, it wouldn't be fair for me and mom to be the only ones to get a treat. We needed to get enough for all of my siblings so it would be fair and no one would feel left out. My mom did her best to explain to me that it was okay if just she and I got a treat and we didn't get anything for the others. It was a little difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Whatever it was that she said, I still remember feeling guilty that morning.

I remember a conversation I had with my friend Heather. She has six sisters and her parents always made sure that all of the girls got equal treatment. If one got money for their birthday than the others would have to get the same amount of money for their birthday gifts. This plan for fairness hit a bit of a snag when one sister developed cancer and her parents felt that they could not give this daughter the money she needed for her medical expenses without giving all of the other sisters the same amount of money. Under these conditions her parents felt like they couldn't help the daughter with cancer until the other sisters told them that they wanted this sister to get some money from them and they didn't want or expect anything from their parents.

Well fairness in life can be a good thing to work towards. I assume that is why God created the Law of Consecration so we could all look after the poor and we would all have our needs met. However I believe if people look to God to make sure that everyone here on earth has an equal amount of possessions, pains, love, heartaches, happiness, responsibilities, sicknesses, skills or anything else, they will be sorely disappointed. No doubt if they believe that God possesses the characteristic for fairness or equality, they will likely lose their belief in Him because in this world there is little equality in the things mentioned above.

What God does say is that he is no respecter of persons (D&C 38:16), he makes the rain fall and the sun to shine on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45), and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him (Hebrews 11:6). We also know that if we endure well God will exalt us on high (D&C 121:8). Do you ever think to yourself, "With the amazing blessings promised to me I am surprised that the cost isn't higher or that my faith hasn't been tried more?" If you are  like most people, the answer is probably no. If our beliefs about God cause us to lose our belief in him perhaps we have a misunderstanding of the correct characteristics of God.

There are many hard things that we all go through in life. There is no way to quantify our trials and our blessings to see if they are equal with those of others. There is also no good way to determine if we have been properly compensated for our good deeds. We just know that if we seek to do God's will, all of our pains and trials will give us experience and be for our good (D&C 122:7).

We can't say that bad things don't happen to good people. In some cases bad things happen to good people because God knows they are up to the challenge and he needs to try their faith and strengthen them as he did with Job. We never know if our trials will turn to blessings or if what seems like a blessing will turn into a trial, we just know that God wants to raise up a righteous people and cleanse us from sin. We also don't know how much our righteousness in our premortal life affects the quality of our life here. We just know that God's ways and thoughts are higher than our ways and thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).

I believe that our trials and challenges are custom made for our individual growth and development. There are lessons that I need to learn or that I have been prepared to learn that are not right for others. When we go through hard things it seems much more productive to ask, "What can I learn from this?" or think, "Wow, God must really believe I am strong enough to take this on.", instead of asking, "Why is God treating me so unfairly?" Life will never be fair in our eyes, so we need to stop expecting it to be or we will live life with an untold number of disappointments.

The Golden Handcuffs

There was a bit of a wrench thrown in my plans for change. From a purely monetary perspective it comes down to the "Golden Handcuffs". At least that is the term floating around with church employees relating to the difficulty of leaving church employment. The difficulty mostly relates to the retirement benefits that come to you after you have worked there 10-20 years. I will be at 9 years in September. Once I hit 10 years I get 50% of my supplemental insurance paid after I retire. That is worth about $150/month till the day I die. That could add up to $50,000 in today's dollars which could be worth a lot more in the future.

Don't get me wrong, I love working for the church and I have many friends who tell me that they would love to work for the church. There is something wonderful about working for a company that shares your values and beliefs so perfectly. I get to attend devotionals every Monday morning and learn about family history during our training meetings. There is something so wonderful about feeling like I make a real difference in the world. If nothing else my search has just made me very grateful for what I have.

The problem is that I feel stuck and I am not progressing. It is very competitive to work there, which makes it hard for me to be promoted. That part is frustrating. It may take a master's degree and some really hard certification tests to get some important credentials before I can really compete properly.

We had our annual broadcast today and it was so inspiring and made me feel so grateful to be part of something that does so much good and brings so many around the world to the Savior.  There are benefits that come from working for the church that I will never be able to quantify. What was slightly humorous to me was that while I was attending the broadcast I got an appointment for an interview with a real estate investment company and I got a job offer from a mortgage company.

I got myself pretty worked up wondering what I was going to do if I got an offer. I fasted last weekend and I went to the temple and prayed about it and I wasn't getting any clear answers but today I just feel sick when I think about accepting the position and leaving church employment. I know I just need to hold out for a better fit even if it takes me to Hawaii. I feel like God has a plan for me and I just need to wait for it to unfold.