You're Stronger Than You Know

I've had more thoughts on my mind from Jordan Peterson lately. I have heard him say things like, "You're more capable than you think", or "You're stronger than you know". I know that when we overcome hard things it can give us courage to tackle more difficult things. It got me thinking about times that I have overcome painful challenges and how that prepared me to take on more in the future. I started to think about the things I have dealt with and I started to make a list. I am not trying to claim that my challenges are any worse than anyone else's but they are still good for me to remember when hard times come my way.

1. Having a sister with Down's Syndrome. I struggled with putting this one on the list because really Marie is such a joy and has brought so much laughter to our lives. The whole family loves her like crazy but she has posed some challenges for us. She can be incredibly stubborn and she used to run away all the time when we were kids. We would have to call out the neighborhood kids to help us look for her. She was never in any real danger. She would just go off exploring on her own. One time I remember she came back with a candy necklace from Maverick and she told us that a nice man bought it for her. The Maverick was just a few blocks away but still not good that she took off on her own. I am about two and a half years older than her and I was often tasked with babysitting her. Nothing super stressful but it was a responsibility that I often had throughout my life. Given the choice I wouldn't trade her for anyone else. I have learned so much from her especially patience and compassion. I am SUPER excited that she is going to come visit me for her 40th birthday with my mom.

2. When I was six my parents went through a divorce. I remember seeing my mom out the front window pulling into the garage and my dad said, "Well your mother has just filed the divorce papers." I remember going to the hallway collapsing and crying. I am not sure I even understood what was happening. If nothing else I realized that my life was never going to be the same. I am sure this affected me in more ways than I know but if nothing else it removed the stability from my life and made me realize that there was going to be some changes ahead. Perhaps it also made me wonder how much you could really trust people and relationships.

3. My parents divorce had many consequences. One of which was that my parents both became very poor. Not that we had much money before. One Sunday Moe was tasked with pulling us all out of Sunday school and we got in the car and headed to the YWCA where we stayed with other women and families that had come out of very abusive situations. We had a small room that we shared and I remember very tight security. It probably confused me because I didn't know my father to be abusive to my mother. I didn't understand how this was better. My father did the best he could to keep our family house. My mother did what she could to support 5 kids and try to go back to school, but really she didn't have any direction so her education didn't profit much. She just got by doing paper routes with our help, and working retail and fast food. We often got free food and Christmas gifts from our church and other local charities.

4. Living with my stepmother wasn't something I enjoyed. She told me on their wedding day that she could be as mean as the stepmother on Cinderella if she needed to. That is all she needed to say. I knew after that it was going to be a rough ride and I didn't really understand how my father chose her as a replacement for my mother. She would go through periods of being sweet as sugar and then you'd hit her hot button and throw a bigger tantrum than a 5 year old. I can't say we were ever close, even though I was tasked with throwing together a life celebration for her when she died this last summer. I never felt close with her or that I could really trust her in ways that I trusted my mother.

5. I don't think that I will go into great detail here since it is a sensitive topic, but my family has had its share of mental health challenges. I have dealt with some anxiety and depression in my life but I could never really understand how it could remove all logic from a situation and make a bad situation much worse instead of working to make things better.

6. My mother's move to Minnesota seemed like it would be a little exciting. I was able to live in a new place that I had visited a few times before. My mother had family there and I thought they would help us get settled in. I also thought that my grandmother would at least temporarily make room for us in her very large home that she lived in alone.  My mom's family didn't seem to be much help to us. We got more help from my mom's old friend Sandy that could be just as callus as my step mother. We were eventually turned out to stay in a homeless shelter for a few weeks until we could get some housing and furniture assistance from the government. The cold seemed to be the closest thing I had been to death and we were certainly not prepared for the temperatures we had to endure that winter.

7. The next year I decided or I guess I was enticed to stay with my dad and step-mom with the promise of new school clothes for my 7th grade year. During this time my father started behaving strangely. Maybe nothing too serious but if I was a little late coming home from school he would come looking for me. He couldn't seem to follow my stepmother's simple instructions and I didn't have any siblings living with me. Looking back I know this was the beginning of my father's dementia. I started to get very uncomfortable living there and when I complained to my mother in private that I was unhappy, she instantly made arrangements to come get me in the middle of the school year and took me back to Minnesota.  It was in the next year that I heard of my father acting more erratically and being put in a care facility. I saw a video of him later where he had forgotten his children's names. I felt like that was goodbye for me in a lot of ways. I had no more connection to him. He was far away and didn't even know who I was. In the middle of my 8th grade year he passed away. He wasn't going to be around to do all the things that father's do like help me feel safe, help with car repairs, encouraging me to go to college and just overall helping me maneuver through the challenges of life.

8. After my first few weeks of beauty school I was driving in an unfamiliar area and was paying more attention to the street signs than I was the road and I rear ended a car that hit one or two others. I fractured my nose on my steering wheel (before air bags were common) and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance with the man that I hit. I fell into some pretty major depression and I just wanted to quit school. I have written about this before so I won't say much here but it was a difficult time for me that I got through with the help of a friend who wouldn't let me quit. Somehow I mustered the courage to get a bus pass and start attending school again with two black eyes on Halloween.

9. It probably wasn't until I lived in Hawaii that I realized how tough the Minnesota winters made me.  I was living with a group of people who had never had to prepare for a long hard winter, never slipped on ice, never had their car engine frozen, never walked in 3 foot snow drifts, never had their eyelashes frozen together, never had to catch a bus in -70 degree windchill or shovel mounds of snow. A few weeks ago an able bodied male in my complex was whining/complaining on Facebook that he was late to work because the snow plows didn't clear the roads before he had to go to work. A man like that would be laughed to scorn in Minnesota. They'd say man up and get a shovel. Snow storms aren't easy for anyone. You just got to make due and if you have any strength left, help your neighbor.

10. Missions are very difficult for most young missionaries. You have to leave your home and family for 18-24 months, learn a new language in 8 weeks, go outside your comfort zone in a strange place with strange people and eat strange food. You work all day in all kinds of weather and don't get paid for it. My mission was extremely difficult for me in many ways. I was supposed to train a new missionary after I was in the country only 6 weeks. Before she came I remember praying and saying, Heavenly Father we both know I wasn't going to be able to handle this mission. Please just give me a medical reason to go home. It could be something as easy as a broken arm or a temporary disease, just so I don't have to face my friends and family fess up to being a quitter. Well the broken arm never came. I just had to focus on the next day and try my best go get through it. In the end I was able to work with some of the best people I know in one of the greatest times of my life.

I was also thinking about a time after my mission when I was going through a lot of challenges with life and my family and I excepted each of those challenges understanding that they were going to be learning experiences that would make me stronger. I didn't have any real higher education at that point in  my life, and I felt like life was my teacher. Then all of a sudden the challenges seemed to stop. I remember at one point thinking or praying, "Okay Heavenly Father I am ready for my next challenge. Bring it on." Then I realized that I was being a little bit lazy with my growth. Why wasn't I creating my own challenges?  Why was I just expecting God to constantly create obstacles for me? Why didn't I have a plan for the ways I wanted to grow and develop? These next few items are some of the ways I challenged myself in my life and overcame.

11. Okay, so I don't know if I should really count this because I sort of got tricked into it. My Dear friend Brooke is part of the reason I challenged myself to do anything sports related. She was just such a great example of someone who sets goals and then worked to achieve them. Brooke and some others wanted to hike Mt Timpanogos. At first the thought was a bit overwhelming. I would be hiking up and down a mountain for 10 hours with no bathrooms. When I would question if it was a good idea, Brooke would always respond and say things like. "It really isn't too bad." or "It's mostly just flat the whole way up." Yeah, basically she lied to me. ;) 13 hours later we were done and I just wanted my bed.

12. Brooke is also probably the reason I ran any half marathons. She was training for full marathon's and so I went to the gym and ran on a treadmill just to see if I was fit enough for a 5k. Well five miles later and I decided I should train for a half marathon. Again Brooke would say things like, "Oh, if you can run 5 miles, you can run a marathon no problem." And I did. Let me see if I can count all the ones I ran. I did Canyonland's in Moab twice. I did the Salt Lake marathon twice and I did Brooke's temple to temple race twice. I think that is it. Six half marathon's isn't too shabby. I always took my training very seriously and I always finished successfully. One of my highlights was beating Brooke's trash talking husband both temple to temple races.

13. School, school, school and more school. I always felt like I missed something by not going to college like so many of my friends did. Maybe I could have had a BYU romance if I buckled down and made school happen. It was always on my to do list but the pieces never fell into place. Also being as poor as we were, I was terrified that the debt would never be paid off. My work with Seminaries and Institutes was a huge blessing in that arena. They were going to pay 75% of my tuition up to $5,250/year. I started at Salt Lake Community College and got my associates degree in classes where I was clearly the oldest student in the room. Then I wasn't sure what to do because my work would only let me take two classes at a time and it was going to take forever. A coworker was going to start an online program at WGU and because I could get through the program in less time I was intrigued. I prayed about it and I had one of the strongest answers to prayer that I can remember. From that I knew good things would come from that (and they definitely have). I pushed myself just about as hard as I possibly could. What my counselor said could take me five years to finish, I finished in eight months. I got my Bachelor of Science degree in Accounting in eight months. I still am shocked that I was dedicated enough to get it done. I studied on the bus ride to work, on my lunch break, on the way home and then for another three to four hours after dinner. It really was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My health really suffered because of it I am sure and I got a bit out of shape.

14. Then I was ready for an adventure. I was frustrated that my current job wouldn't give me a promotion, so I knew that I had to challenge myself to go somewhere else. After many prayers, a job opened up at BYU Hawaii where I didn't really have a clue what I was getting into. The school was unwilling to pay for my move or really assist me in any way for that position. I had to sell most of my possessions, pack everything up and sell my town-home.  I had to secure my own housing, find a car and be ready for work one day after flying in. I can't say I saw this as much of a challenge. It was more of an adventure, until I realized how much the locals didn't want me there and the many other problems I was confronted with like mold. Still I am so glad I went because I learned SO much and it made me stronger in the face of adversity.

15. When I was heading out to Hawaii, I had all of these visions of me studying for my MBA with my laptop on the beach. Well let's just say it didn't quite happen that way. There were a lot of days sitting in front of my computer in my apartment sweating and trying my best to study. I again over did it and turned doing being social more times than my friend Amy liked to study my brains out and crank out more classes. It was hard work. What was supposed to take me two years I finished in five months.

16. For my 40th I went skydiving. Part of it was just feeling like I needed to do something big for the big 4-0. I don't have a need for speed or thrills, I just needed to put some sort of an exclamation point on my life at that stage of the game. My co-workers were talking about it and two of us just decided we needed to get it done. When we were waiting to go up in the tiny plane, I  just tried not to think about it. You just can't think too much about what you are doing after signing an eight page waiver.

17. Well after my skydiving and a trip to France, my life was starting to feel uneventful so I decided with a little push from some friends that I needed to train for a 50 mile Bike Ride. It wasn't so much difficult as it was a matter of being focused enough to put the work in. I needed to have a plan to gradually increase my distance. I biked alone since my friends were doing to 100 mile ride for eight hours. Still I am proud of my four hour ride and it went so well that I am doing another 50 in June.

I cannot and will not say that I did any of this alone. I have ALWAYS had help and support from family and great friends. All of this would have been a very lonely and depressing road without good friends to help me through. Also I know that Heavenly Father cleared the path just enough for me to be able to maneuver  the rest alone. Any time I have taken on a major challenge I have always sought his guidance and approval before embarking on anything big. He hasn't let me down in this arena.

Talents

I have been watching a lot of Jordan Peterson videos on Youtube lately. I really like how he tries to be encouraging to people who are trying to change their lives for the better. It made me think about a talk that I wrote back in March 2010 that I still have saved on my computer thankfully. I thought the talk was about encouragement but it was really about developing talents. It was just fun for me to go back and read it again. This may be my longest post EVER but I know you can get through it. ;)

General Conference Quotes to the Priesthood and Relief Society Nov 2008: 

Twenty years ago, President Ezra Taft Benson shared reports from bishops and stake presidents that some members “are turning down calls to serve claiming they are ‘too busy’ or they ‘haven’t got time.’ Others accept such callings, but refuse to magnify those callings.”

President Benson went on to say, “The Lord expects each of us to have a calling in His Church so that others may be blessed by our talents and influence.”
Oddly enough, often the root cause of both of these tendencies—seeking to lead or seeking to hide—may be the same: selfishness. Lift Where You Stand President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Nov 2008

You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us. The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.

What you create doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if the eggs are greasy or the toast is burned? Don’t let fear of failure discourage you. Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside.
If you still feel incapable of creating, start small. Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it. Happiness, Your Heritage President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Nov 2008

I wanted to speak today about developing our talents vs. discovering our talents. I think that we need to be careful in thinking that there are a certain number of talents that we possess that we are limited to developing. I think that we have a tendency to limit our abilities when in reality our talents and abilities are limitless. It is a topic that has been on my mind a lot over the last few months, and this is a collection of some of my thoughts.

Hard Work

President Hinckley True to the Faith: I recently read a book titled No Shortcuts to the Top. It is the story of Ed Viesturs. Ed has climbed Mount Everest six times and has reached the summits of the world’s highest mountains without the use of supplemental oxygen. When asked how he did it, he said, “It is just hard, hard work.” To accomplish his feat, Ed actually had to climb one mountain twice. The first time, he was forced to turn back just a short distance from the top and did not feel that he could honestly claim the summit.

An article in a recent issue of Fortune magazine indicated that we will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years. . . . The good news is that [our] lack of a natural gift is irrelevant—talent has little or nothing to do with greatness. . . .. . . Nobody is great without work.
An article in a recent issue of Fortune magazine indicated that we will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years. . . . The good news is that [our] lack of a natural gift is irrelevant—talent has little or nothing to do with greatness. . . .. . . Nobody is great without work. [Geoffrey Colvin, “What It Takes to Be Great,” Fortune 154, no. 9 (30 October 2006): 88]

Overcoming our doubts and fears.

This may be our biggest obstacle to get started. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to overcome our fears, step out of your comfort zone. At a time when I had a hard time speaking or teaching in church I came across the story of Moses when God called him to deliver the children of Israel from bondage. Moses kept telling the Lord that he couldn’t lead the people and he didn’t believe that the people would believe that he had spoken to the Lord. Time and again the Lord told him that he could do it and he showed him the powers that He (God) possessed.

Exodus 4:10 And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
11 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?

Perhaps Moses would have had a better argument if he had been born without a mouth. I was struck with the reality that God had already given me everything that I needed to teach his gospel. I had a mind, I had a mouth and an able body. Although the Lord had already given me the things I needed, to do what was asked of me, I let my irrational fears overcome me.

Have faith in the Lords promises

While some abilities come easier to some than others we need to be careful when we say things like, “That just isn’t a talent I have been blessed with.” In so saying we can halt our progression in gaining that talent.

Weakness into strengths. Ether 12:27-28

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.

The humility the Lord is talking about isn’t the Humility that says I can’t do anything. It is the humility that says I can do all things with the help of the Lord. Don’t mistake humility for lack of trying. Perhaps we don’t want to seem proud, and because of that we hide our talents.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Speak with those who have talents you desire to possess. Don’t shy away from them. They will usually be happy to tell you about the path they took to gain the talent they possess. Encourage and don’t discourage others to develop their talents

Some of you may not feel like you have been blessed with the talent for public speaking. For some of you the thought of being up here at the pulpit petrifies you. You will probably enjoy this next story.

Story Jim Wallace “Faith Works” page 280 speaking up and Stepping out…

A big part of being human is being reluctant to speak up and step out. Moses isn’t the only one who had that problem. Here is where we really do need one another.

I recall the night when I preached for the first time at the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia, the home of Martin Luther King, Jr. I was there for the first annual Peace and Justice Service on the anniversary of his birthday. But because that church had such a rich history, I was intimidated. When I thought about all the people who had preached from that august church’s pulpit, it just got worse. As I began to preach, I could just feel how timid and nervous I was.

But after a few moments I began to get some unexpected help from down in the front row on the left side of the church. An old man began to respond to my preaching by calling back, C’mon now, son, keep comin’, preach it now, yes well, keep goin’, that’s right, yessir, talk, sir, tell the truth, keep on now, that’s right,” and so on. I started to relax, to breathe deeply, and to remember the things that I wanted to say, and began to really preach. The more I got going the more he got going. “Now you’re talkin’, preach it, yes, well, oh mercy, amen!” That old man literally drew the sermon out of me. It is known as the “call and response,” and it is the accepted style of preaching and “listening” in black church. When the preacher speaks, he or she gets a response from the congregation. “Can I get a witness?” says the preacher, and the church erupts. “Somebody say amen!” the preacher exclaims from the pulpit, and somebody always does.

A rhythm and cadence gets going between the preacher and the congregation, and the sermon gets better and better. I love to preach in black churches. Any good preacher will tell you that black churches bring out their very best. When you are finished you don’t feel as if you’ve just talked to passive listeners, you never have to wonder what people thought. And you won’t have to guess whether they understood what you were saying. You and the congregation have been in dialogue; you have been in relationship. Often the most vocal of the responders inhabits what gets called the Amen corner of the church. It’s the corner of the church you can always look to for a hearty “Amen” when you need one.

Well, my amen corner at Ebenezer served me well. When I finished, I felt exhausted but very satisfied that I had said what I wanted to say. I quickly came down from the pulpit and rushed over to the gentleman who had helped me so much and, really, made the sermon come to life. I thanked him profusely and told him that I couldn’t have preached the sermon without him. “Oh that’s alright, young man,” he said. “I’ve raised up many a preacher in my day!” At that moment, it all felt very human to me. Sometimes we do need other people to help us speak out.

I am not suggesting that we change our form of worship, but I am suggesting that we support and encourage others to develop their talents. I would go so far as to say that in our day and age it isn’t necessarily a lack of resources that keeps us from developing our talents but a lack of encouragement. Some people have overcome insurmountable odds because someone believed in and encouraged them. We need to praise them when they share them. I think that we also can become elitists where we only want THE BEST whether it be art/ music/ theater /dance. We need to make sure that we never forget to praise the smallest of efforts made.

Perhaps we aren’t surrounded by our own personal cheerleaders. At one point in my life I was training for a half marathon. Running isn’t a talent I was born with. It was something that I have had to work on. One day I was at the gym and according to my training schedule I needed to run 9 miles.


This was going to be accomplished on the treadmill. I had just finished my 8th mile and I wasn’t looking forward to the last. All of a sudden I heard a voice in my head. It said, “You go girl! You are amazing! You can do it.” It caught me so off guard that I just started to laugh out loud. It definitely made that last mile more bearable. We need to listen to those thoughts in our heads that are encouraging and not discouraging.

Brother Hawks. Blue burrito story.

When I was 7 years old, my school teacher was Mrs. Apple. I thought that was funny because she had curly red hair. One day in class, each of us was given a slab of clay. We were told that we were going to learn the art of ceramics. Mrs. Apple told us we should pick something to make that had strong personal meaning to us. I decided to make a burrito.

In only a few minutes, I was finished and I could not be happier with the results. I painted it blue, which really isn’t the right color for a burrito, but I really liked what I had made.

When Mrs. Apple visited my table she said, “What is it?” I thought to myself, “Is that a trick question?” I told her it was a burrito. She looked at it again and said with a smile, “Richard, You’ve done well and I think that you are capable of doing even better!” I could tell that she was pleased and probably wanted one for herself.

I knew she was right, too. I had done well and I knew that I was capable of doing even better.  

Let us not play the role of the critic. We need to look for the beauty and ability in everyone and remember that they are children of God.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.

What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults.”
What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults.” (Ensign, Apr. 1986, pp. 3–4.)

Recognize the hand of God in blessing us with talents and abilities

D&C 59: 21 And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments. 

I was thinking about this scripture as I watched the Olympics. The Olympics are always so inspiring. It is always inspiring to me when I see the contenders give thanks to God for their talents and abilities. I believe it was the men’s marathon I was watching when I saw a guy who finished in the top three kneel down to pray after finishing a marathon. I can only assume that he was praying to give thanks to God for letting him have that wonderful moment in history. I am especially inspired by those athletes who do recognize his hand in their lives

Parable of the talents. Matt. 25: 14-29 

14 ¶ For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.

15 And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.

16 Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents.

17 And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two.

18 But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money.

19 After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.

20 And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.

21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

22 He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.

23 His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

24 Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:

25 And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.

26 His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed:

27 Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.

28 Take therefore the talent from him and give it unto him which hath ten talents.

29 For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.

The blessings given to those who magnify their talents aren’t just given additional talents they are made ruler over many things and they are able to enter into the joy of the Lord. The Lord needs leaders in his church.

Body of Christ-1 Corinthians Chapter 12 We need to allow everyone the opportunity to develop their talents, and work together in harmony to build up the kingdom. We need each other and this ward is an incredible place for us to develop our talents.

Seek the best gifts and seek them to build up the kingdom of God

The irony of this is that, although we may make a difference in the lives of those we help, we who give charitable service are often the ones who benefit the most. When we sacrifice our time, talents, and resources for the sake of others, we refine our character and thereby become more fit for the kingdom. The Savior said the poor would always be with us (see John 12:8). And it is a good thing too because we cannot become exalted without them. We need the poor as much as the poor need us. As we open our hearts to those in need—whether they be poor or discouraged or grieved or in distress—and as we give of ourselves to lift their burdens, our problems seem a little smaller. We grow in spirit. We grow in peace. We grow in joy. As we “lift up the hands which hang down” (D&C 81:5), the light within us grows a little brighter and illuminates the way before us. Two Guiding Lights By Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, “Above all talents … , chief among all endowments—stands the talent for spirituality” (The Millennial Messiah [1982], 234).

Can I have it all?

In this life we probably won’t attain perfection and gain every talent. Not having everything brings us together. Keeps us humble and makes us turn to the Lord. At the same time we need not limit ourselves.

It is my testimony that the Lord wants us to have it all. He wants us to attain perfection. It is something that we need to strive for and set goals that will propel us forward. We don’t need to wait till there is a need for us to develop a new talent, we can begin to develop talents right now and use them to bless the lives of others and move us closer to perfection. It is my testimony that the Lord has blessed us with many gifts and talents that can and should be multiplied. I know that as we look to him and ask for his guidance our talents can be multiplied to bless the lives of many others; in doing so we can build up his kingdom and move on towards Eternal Life.

Fifty

So I accomplished at least one goal this summer. I thought I was going to be satisfied with biking a marathon distance but my friend Mandi encouraged me to do a ride for the Make-A-Wish foundation. I wasn't really excited about it but I got another push when I found out my work was going to pay for half the race. That took me over the top. While my friends aimed for the 100 mile ride (they had some problems but ended up riding about 98 miles), I still think that riding 50 miles is still an accomplishment. It took me about four hours. I am mostly just glad that I didn't get a flat on the way since the others all did. It was also pretty cool to see the buffalo on antelope island.

My day started out with this sweet sign from my roommate...

This lovely shot of me was taken at the starting line. 

You can't tell from this picture but I was going uphill here and I was trying to smile. He really should have taken  more pictures going downhill.

Here is some of the wildlife...  I did pass a buffalo going downhill about 30 mph right off the road that I wish I was able to take a picture of.

Here are my crazy friends, Mandi, Maren and Chad going for the 100...

And finally my coworkers that love to bike...

On Friday one of them told me how impressed he was that I wasn't farther behind when they passed me on the way back. Haha! I need one of those jerseys. I really hit a wall at about mile 42 but I MADE IT!

Coming Out as a Vegan

So, I am not sure why but some people get ALL worked up when I say that I am vegan (technically I am whole food plant based, but vegan is better understood and easier for me to say). They want to tell me that I will put on weight, or that it isn't healthy or that I will lose muscle, or that it isn't what the Word of Wisdom says. I am not sure why it just can't be the way I choose to live my life and other people can do what they want. Some people can seem really put out by it. The biggest way that it affects me is obviously socially but that isn't anything new. I have had a "strange" diet for a long time, because my stomach has really called the shots.

I want to talk about the benefits I have seen since I changed my diet almost two years ago. Here we go...

My cholesterol dropped from 202 to 151 in my first six months. Do you guys know what cholesterol does to your body? It is like glue that gums up everything, especially your arteries which leads to strokes, heart attacks, and everybody's favorite-erectile dysfunction. I mean seriously, I've never been married and at 41, 40% of the men my age have ED! Something to look forward to I guess. Oh and I shan't forget how it also can lead to insulin resistance. Cholesterol can have nasty effects on our bodies, that is why your doctor always tests you for this when you have a physical. Cholesterol is only found in animal products that vegans don't consume.

My skin and hair look better. Okay, here goes. I have had tiny acne bumps on my arms and legs since I was maybe 12 years old. I saw a dermatologist for it once and he gave me some cream that did nothing for me but somehow, magically since going vegan, they all disappeared. Coincidence? I think not. Oh and hair, not sure if that part is so scientific but I have had more compliments on my hair.

Body odor-yes I showered every day and YES I always wore deodorant! They always talk about all the bad stuff that is found in the strongest deodorants like aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex and propylene glycol and all other manner of goodness that is supposed to give me breast cancer. When I would try to use the natural stuff that didn't give me breast cancer, they wouldn't work for me. Well guess what. They work for me now. Apparently my body has less toxins in it that it needs to get out or something but I will take any chance I can get to pass on breast cancer.

If you are wondering about gas, I have less of that too. Maybe it is the fact that I don't have rotting flesh in my body or because the fiber I take helps things move along more quickly but I eat PLENTY of lentils and it is still less of a problem for me. And all of this has helped my IBS-C in huge ways. I don't feel like my social life has to suffer anymore because my stomach seems to be throwing a fit.

My energy has increased. It took a HUGE nose dive when I was on a egg rich diet. Could it be because my arteries were filled with cholesterol and my muscles couldn't get the oxygen they needed? I think so! I remember around this time trying to go for a run and feeling like an old lady who couldn't catch her breath. I was so frustrated because I wanted to be fit and in shape and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried I couldn't push myself hard enough to get back into running and it made me very frustrated. If you want to see a story about an amazing vegan energy transformation, just watch any of the YouTube videos about Rich Roll or better yet, just read his book.

So what have I done with my energy? Well this summer I bought a road bike and I can go for a three hour long bike ride and not feel like I am going to die. I am training for a 50 mile ride and last Saturday I rode from my home in South Salt Lake to Riverton and back into Salt Lake City and then back home for a grand total of 40 miles. I think my race is going to go fine even without the sugar energy shots that the other athletes will be using. I plan to do it all on a few bottles of water and maybe a pancake dinner the night before.

My anxiety has decreased. I have never been one to have long bouts of anxiety but it has definitely been in my life and it certainly runs in my family. All over my mom's side. Just think about this for a moment. You have an animal who has been poorly treated for most of its life. They can live in deplorable conditions and be hopped up on loads of antibiotics because of how disease prone these "farms" are. They also are traumatized as their young are immediately taken from them so humans can drink their milk. Do you think that this animal has released some stress hormones into their bodies? Maybe a little side of cortisol to go with your steak dinner?

Well I promised myself I would never be one of those crazy peta people and yes I do think there are plenty of crazy peta people out there but you don't have to go very far to see how some of these animals are treated. You can go here or here but only if you can stomach it. I will forewarn you it is very disturbing, but it sure makes me very grateful I am lactose intolerant.

Let's talk about weight. Hawaii wasn't great for my waistline. I am sure some of this had to do with the mold that I was unable to escape. I was sick very often and had strep throat at least two times in the year and a half I lived there. I put on 10 pounds when I moved there and I just didn't have the energy to exercise and get it off.

I currently work with a woman who is probably 50-70 pounds overweight and she is constantly spewing information about what you need to eat to lose weight. Mostly she talks carbs and how bad they are for you as she eats a doughnut. We were in the break-room as I was heating my food and our conversation ended with her saying, "It must be nice to be so naturally thin." then she took off before I could say that I have had to work very hard to lose weight. When I was on my mission I weighed 40 pounds more than I do now. I didn't get lucky in the gene department. I educated myself, cut out refined sugar and yes, being vegan has helped me lose 8 pounds so far.

I also feel like I have less brain fog and that I can think more clearly than before. No big stories here but it is just an overall feeling better in my head.

This whole thing started as an experiment to see how it could improve my energy and help my digestion and I am starting to see other unexpected benefits that I am very grateful for. If you want to try it out for a while to see if it brings you any benefits then please make sure you do it right. Make sure you take some B12 and either get plenty of sunlight or take vitamin D. If you would like to learn more check out these videos...

·         https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBKnG9Y0owQ&t=2523s

·         https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXPV0V9k0Qc

·         The Big Fat Truth Episode 1 (I think that was the only episode)

·         Forks Over Knives

·        

      Looks like they have tons of good recipes here to get you started… https://www.youtube.com/user/ForksOverKnives/videos 

Captain of my Soul

Probably about 12 years ago a well-intentioned roommate gave me a Christmas gift. It was the framed poem Invictus.

Out of the night that covers me, 

      Black as the pit from pole to pole, 

I thank whatever gods may be 

      For my unconquerable soul. 

In the fell clutch of circumstance 

      I have not winced nor cried aloud. 

Under the bludgeonings of chance 

      My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears 

      Looms but the Horror of the shade, 

And yet the menace of the years 

      Finds and shall find me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate, 

      How charged with punishments the scroll, 

I am the master of my fate, 

      I am the captain of my soul. 

Due to my insecurities I remembered feeling like she was trying to tell me to stop being such a victim. I am sure that was not what she was doing, but it just caused me to compare myself to her in every way I could imagine. She had a master's degree and I had attended a couple of college classes. She was teaching college classes while I was working for a paycheck. She came from a distinguished family and mine seemed so dysfunctional. I just wanted to focus on all the reasons she had what I didn't. I wanted to excuse myself for not going after the things I wanted.

Truth is that I did feel like a victim. Maybe if my mom had encouraged me to attend school. If we had more money. If I didn't feel so bogged down with family issues. If I wasn't so afraid of debt. If I knew what I wanted to study. If I could have lived at home longer. I am sure I could come up with a lot more ifs. My mind just couldn't see a clear path to the things I wanted and maybe even felt like I deserved.

I am not sure what changed. Maybe if nothing else I just prayed to become more in control of my life, and to be able to go after the things I wanted. Since then I have gone back to school and have my master's degree. I have been able to chase some of my dreams and move to Hawaii. I have become a homeowner. I have nice things and great friends. while I am sure I will never be fully in control of my life, at least I don't feel that I have to react to my circumstances instead of setting goals and going after the things I want.

White Privilege

While I think that many aspects of the white privilege movement are unfounded and ambiguous, I do think that there is one area where whites generally have an advantage that is scientifically proven. How dare I suggest that you may ask? Well it is probably not what you think. It all comes down to vitamin D.

First let's talk about why vitamin D is so valuable. Vitamin D plays a role in many processes of our bodies. It helps our body absorb calcium and build strong bones. There is evidence that it helps prevent some forms of cancer. It activates the genes that release dopamine and serotonin in the brain. Studies show that it may be helpful in preventing autism, autoimmune disease, cancer, chronic pain, depression, diabetes, heart disease, allergies, hypertension, multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer's, digestive disorders, asthma, arthritis, kidney diseases, pregnancy problems and the list goes on and on.

Vitamin D is actually not a vitamin. It is a hormone that helps regulate many processes in our bodies.

Symptoms of a vitamin D deficiency include...

• chronic pain
• depression
• excessive sweating
• fatigue/weakness
• hair loss 
• impaired wound healing
• muscle pain
• painful or broken bones
• poor immune system

So what does any of this have to do with white privilege? Well 91% of people with darker skin are deficient in vitamin D. This is because their pigmentation requires more sunlight to produce the same amounts of vitamin D as a person with fairer skin. They can have Plasma 25-hydroxyvitamin D scores half of those of whites. This means that they are at a greater risk for all the diseases and symptoms listed above.

You may wonder if your doctor will tell you if you are low in vitamin D at your next physical exam. The answer is probably not. The reason is that these tests are expensive, not always accurate and usually not covered by your insurance. If you want the test you will have to ask for it and you may have to pay out of pocket for it. The test runs about $50-$60. Your other option is to just take it in supplement form anyway because studies show it will increase you lifespan and your quality of life.

How much should you take? It seems like there are many answers to this question but it seems that generally 2,000 IU for most adults. The elderly, pregnant women, those with darker skin and obese people require higher doses but it can become toxic if you take 10,000 IU daily on a regular basis.

If you haven't guessed vitamin D is my new favorite. I had a hard time with the ones that were oil based and calcium based but I found one that is rice based by Swanson and it seems to be working really well for me. :) And I realize that I have a lot of information here without a lot of source information, so please do your research and PLEASE take vitamin D and or spend more time outside in the sun if you aren't worried about melanoma.

In case you are curious these are my feelings on white privilege in America. Watch this video.

Update: I just got my lab results from the doctor's office and my vitamin D tested at 20.2. Normal range is 29-100. Since I tested that low, the doctor said that he would write me a prescription for it. Hopefully that will help make me normal. ;)

Love Takes Time

I don't really have the time I'd like to organize my thoughts and feelings about love this Valentine's Day but I enjoy the words of LDS Church leaders who help us understand love and how to have greater joy and happiness in our lives. I recently came across this talk by Marvin J. Ashton as I was preparing a talk for church and I thought if nothing else, I would at least have the time to share his message with you here.

I also have this tidbit from Moroni 7:45-48

45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

Happy V-day everybody!