I was thinking back to a couple of times when I wanted to quit. Weeks after I started beauty school, I was in a car accident and I totaled my car. Not only was my car gone but I hit my face on the steering wheel and I had to go to the hospital in an ambulance to get checked out. Some days I wish I had pictures of my face but when I saw myself in the mirror at the hospital, I was horrified. I thought I looked like a battered woman and I didn't want anyone to see me. I had two black eyes and my face was all swollen.
The only solution I could see at the time was to quit school and get a job to make enough money to buy another car so I would have a way to get to school. I had no savings and was living paycheck to paycheck at the time. I was telling a friend that I was going to quit and she talked me into going back to school on the bus and finishing what I started. She had convinced me but I asked her if I could call her again if my doubts started to come back. She agreed and within a few hours I was on the phone with her again telling her all the reasons why it was better for me to drop out. Again she was firm that I could not quit. I went back and nine months later I graduated.
Looking back, I am so glad I finished what I started and not only that, it was probably a good thing I totaled my car because the bus was so much more economical and I could have never kept up with the cost of gas and insurance. There were some days while I was in school that I hoped that my customers would give me a tip so I would have money to buy lunch. I always had what I needed to get through school and that was all that really mattered.
Another time came to mind. When I reached my mission home in Austria, I met with my mission president and he informed me that the mission in Croatia was going to double the sisters it had. We were going from four to eight sisters in four weeks and I was going to become a trainer very early on in my time there. I didn't have the discussions memorized and I had spent a month visa waiting in Kentucky where I had little to no time to study my Croatian. I was terrified.
I remember saying these words in my prayer to Heavenly Father, "You and I both know I can't do this, but I don't want to be dishonorably released from my mission. Can you just break my arm or give me a good medical reason to be sent home?" Going home was going to be the easy way out of my problems even though I decided to go on a mission because I wanted to grow spiritually. The Lord reminded me that he did not tell me I had to serve a mission. The answer to my many prayers about serving a mission did not come until I had made my own decision about serving and I had presented all my reasons to him for why I should serve a mission.
Well I persevered again and I am so glad I did. I have had very memorable experiences on my mission that I will never forget. I could have gone home early and been ashamed of myself and always looked back on that time in my life with regret but I didn't and the Lord strengthened and blessed me for my sacrifices. I have many fond memories, I was able to build many cherished relationships and my family was no doubt blessed for my service. When I left on my mission I was the only active member and when I returned my mother and sister Cate started attending church again. My mission may have been a reason for my mom to go to church and give everyone updates on how I was doing.
Sometimes with my work here in Hawaii I have been so frustrated with my job that I have wanted to quit, I wanted to walk away from all the difficulties and seek refuge and therapy in my sister's basement for six months and leave all responsibility behind. Again though, I would have walked away feeling like a failure and as if I have not kept the commitments I made coming out here. I would leave feeling that my time was worthless and that I haven't had enough time to make meaningful changes.
We were doing Lead Like the Savior leadership training at work. We were watching a Q and A with Elder Bednar and he said something to the effect of, We were not sent here to fail. Heavenly Father does not want us to feel like we are alone in our troubles and trials. He wants us to turn to him for help so that we can overcome all of our trials and weaknesses with his help. If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us! (Philippians 4:13)
I need to remind myself that God did not send me out here to fail and I can definitely say that I feel that God lead me here. I guess that also means that I can have confidence in turning to him for help when things aren't going well.
I wonder how many other times in my life I would have been tempted to quit if I didn't remember the words of my friend Dawn insisting that I push through and finish school. It set a precedence for my life that I have never forgotten.
Thank you Elder Holland for your powerful reminder to push through with faith when times get tough because there are good things to come down the road even if they don't come in this life, the blessings will be ours if we remain faithful. We just need to take life one day at a time and do the best we can.
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