There are a few reasons that this has been on my mind. For one thing I have an old Jr. High friend living with me who is not a member of my faith and as I compare our lives and our life lessons I am very grateful for the ways I see things differently and how these teachings of the Gospel of Christ lead me to have greater happiness. I will probably write more on this topic later.
We have also been dealing with earthquakes along the Salt Lake Valley with a 5.7 out of Magna and they have a way to make you step back and examine your life.
The other thing is, it is a Sunday morning and we have been asked to refrain from meeting to take the sacrament due to COVID-19. We were able to meet in groups of ten or fewer last week but now we are asked by Governor Herbert to stay home. Since I don't have a priesthood holder in my home I just need to be without for a few weeks and create my own church of sorts.
Some of my earliest memories I have of the gospel were of excepting everything I was taught at church. I know I felt the spirit of God in my meetings and lessons. I trusted my parents who were fully committed to the gospel. Living in the Salt Lake area I was surrounded by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and it was a happy community for the most part. I thought the rest of the world was just like my tiny corner. I remember asking my father after watching the news why there were wars if almost everyone in the world was Mormon. He gave a chuckle but I don't remember a clear explanation to my very serious question.
I remember going to church alone some weeks as a young child. It was just a few blocks away. Always within walking distance in Utah. I am not sure why no one was with me but my parents were divorced at that time and my mom did a paper route and perhaps she was too tired to go. I think the only reason I remember this one particular Sunday was because I tripped going down a hill and must have landed on my hands and face because I remember having a scab down my nose for a week or two. I turned around and went home and my mom still encouraged me to go to church saying my teacher wanted me there but I was a mess and I was too embarrassed by how awful I looked.
When we moved to Minnesota, we had little to nothing. No car and church was a 20 minute drive. We went once or twice when we got a ride but then it just became too difficult. Even after we had a car, we were so out of the habit and as children we resisted and made it difficult for my mom to go, so we just stopped. Around the age of 12 I remember walking to the convenience store to get a treat with by babysitting money. I remember a strong feeling come over me that I needed to be at church. It seemed to come from no where and I thought, "I can't just go to church. I am a little girl and we don't have a car and who am I as one of the youngest in my family to tell them what to do?"
Later we had an interested Young Women's leader Becky Rogers that seemed to take an interest in our family. Here she is in the middle.
She invited us to activities which was about all we were ready for at that point. She was very consistent in offering us rides and being a good example. We went because we were bored and needed to get out of the house. It progressed to her inviting us to church and I would probably attend church meetings the most consistently. She would have her too youngest sit in the hatchback so I could have a seat. I was always impressed with the sacrifices she would make to be sure I attended whenever I could.
This was all well and good until it was time for a temple trip to Chicago. I needed a recommend to go. I told Becky that I wanted to go and be with everyone but I didn't want to talk to the bishop so I would just go and sit in the waiting room while everyone else was at the temple. She said that would be okay but that she really hoped I would be able to attend and feel the spirit there. I continued to consistently decline her offer. Until one night at mutual we were cooking something in the kitchen and the bishop came up to me and told me he wanted to speak to me. I was horrified and I looked at Becky like how could you have done this to me.
I was in the bishops office for what seemed like forever but was probably around an hour. I didn't want to talk at first. I was still a little frustrated that I was in that situation. Bishop Bigelow just kept reiterating that the Lord wanted to carry my burdens. I ended up crying and confessing and in the end, he told me that that things I had done were wrong but I could make restitution and that the Lord would forgive me. I could go into the temple.
I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from me and I knew at that point I was committed and I never wanted to feel the weight of my guilt and sins again. I went on to attend church and seminary regularly and feel the spirit in my life on a regular basis. The Holy Spirit consistently testified to me of many truths that helped me gain a stronger testimony.
It is amazing what you can forget when you have been away from church for a while, when you are not studying and when you are not praying. Somehow everything I knew to be true was lost as I wandered away. The spirit I once felt slowly dimmed until I had no place for it.
I think that this conversion process for me was much more serious to me at a younger age because I knew that I had taken it for granted and I didn't want to take it for granted again. I became like a sponge for information. I remember my favorite Young Women's leader Claudia Larson (pictured below) would tell me that she loved teaching me because my eyes were so intent on listening to every word she said and I was basically staring into her soul as she taught.
I just have so much gratitude for the many who have given of their time to teach me and guide me through life's ups and downs. They prepared me for challenges that I was going to face with faith and determination. Thanks be to God and his son Jesus Christ who made all of this possible.
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