Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about the story of Martha and Mary from the New Testament. Sadly I see a little too much of Martha in me. It isn't that I have let myself go spiritually. I attend my church meetings do my visiting teaching and even make time for my institute class. I try to be the responsible one. I try to see that everything gets done on time. I get so focused on being efficient that I often fail to focus on what is most important like building relationships and making a difference in people's lives.
I can't say that I will ever be perfect at it but it is my latest focus. This means that I am going to have to slow down school and I probably will not finish my degree in my 6 month time frame but I am totally okay with that. This will allow me to enjoy my time in Phoenix and now I am going to Hawaii, yes again. :) It will also allow me to focus on my sister Cate and her family when they come to visit and not get so worked up about the things that I am not getting done while they are here and just be happier to be with them.
When I was back in Minnesota I saw how good both my mother and my sister Cate are at focusing on relationships as I found myself rushed to fit everything in a very tight schedule. My dear friend Mandi is also a great example for me. She will bend over backwards for just about anyone. I am sure it pays off for her in many ways. She has a huge network of people who care deeply about her and will jump in at any time she needs support. It also comes with other benefits like the fact that one of her friends is going to let us stay at their time share for free when we go to Kauai.
I admit it is a little sad that after all of these years I need to remind myself that it is the people in our lives that matter the most. We just all get too busy in these hectic times to remember that. We'll see how it goes, but I guess that is what life is all about, making mistakes, then working to grow and change over and over and over again.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Be Not Afraid, Only Believe
Last Friday was "Evening with a General Authority" for me and all of my coworkers. Elder Jeffrey R Holland came to speak to us this year at our annual event. Although he came to speak specifically to Seminary and Institute teachers I think that his words apply to all of us.
A month or two before the event, Elder Holland asked us to submit questions for him. He said as he went through the questions he noticed a theme of fear and anxiety, for both the students and the teachers. He seemed surprised that fear was playing such a prominent role in the lives of so many who are taught over and over again to replace faith with fear.
He shared a story from President Hinckley's life. When president Hinckley left on his mission, his father gave him a note with five words that read, "Be not afraid only believe" Mark 5:36.
He went on to say that the church will prevail the victory has been declared. Everything in this world is dead or dying but the gospel will stand triumphant. Nothing is more sure in this world. Nothing is more of a power against anxiety. "Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my word shall not pass away." Mark 13:31 Then finally he quoted from the hymn, The Time is Far Spent, "Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure. Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure."
A month or two before the event, Elder Holland asked us to submit questions for him. He said as he went through the questions he noticed a theme of fear and anxiety, for both the students and the teachers. He seemed surprised that fear was playing such a prominent role in the lives of so many who are taught over and over again to replace faith with fear.
He shared a story from President Hinckley's life. When president Hinckley left on his mission, his father gave him a note with five words that read, "Be not afraid only believe" Mark 5:36.
He went on to say that the church will prevail the victory has been declared. Everything in this world is dead or dying but the gospel will stand triumphant. Nothing is more sure in this world. Nothing is more of a power against anxiety. "Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my word shall not pass away." Mark 13:31 Then finally he quoted from the hymn, The Time is Far Spent, "Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure. Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure."
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Is it Good or Bad?
My institute teacher shared this Chinese proverb that I have been thinking about a bit and I need to remind myself of it more...
A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbors exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The neighbors shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all the able-bodied boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, still recovering from his injury. Friends shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Sometimes we have a tendency to want to judge everything as it happens to us. In our limited view we ask, "Why is this happening to me?" or "Why is God doing this to me?" It is like when my mom reminds me that her cat has a pea brain and we need to be understanding when she doesn't seem to understand the world around her. It just doesn't make sense for us to get all worked up about things we have judged to be good or bad if we trust God. Even at the end of our lives I am sure there are going to be things that we don't understand. I like to believe that when this life is over we will see clearly why everything happed in our lives.
I can think of a couple of times when I was so frustrated that things didn't go my way. One example was when I finished beauty school I got a job 70 minutes from my home at the Aveda Spa. I couldn't find a place to live in that small town, so I ended up quitting the job before winter came. In the end I was glad I didn't find an apartment because it probably would have kept me from serving my mission. Because of many similar examples like this, when things fall into place in my life, I often feel like God has had his hand in it.
I also think about how poor we were growing up. I was always embarrassed about the clothes I wore, the holes in my socks, the car we drove and how cool I wasn't. Now I look back and think about how grateful it has made me for the things I have now. It has also made me work hard for the things that I have and not take them for granted.
The main question at hand is do we trust God and believe that he wants the best for us? If we believe this then we should be able to live in peace. This peace doesn't mean that everything will work out now, but it means that if we trust him, everything will work out in the end. I believe that this trust and our faith in him will be tested throughout our lives to great degrees. In the mean time, I'll just try to keep singing, "peace be still, peace be still."
A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbors exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The neighbors shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all the able-bodied boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, still recovering from his injury. Friends shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Sometimes we have a tendency to want to judge everything as it happens to us. In our limited view we ask, "Why is this happening to me?" or "Why is God doing this to me?" It is like when my mom reminds me that her cat has a pea brain and we need to be understanding when she doesn't seem to understand the world around her. It just doesn't make sense for us to get all worked up about things we have judged to be good or bad if we trust God. Even at the end of our lives I am sure there are going to be things that we don't understand. I like to believe that when this life is over we will see clearly why everything happed in our lives.
I can think of a couple of times when I was so frustrated that things didn't go my way. One example was when I finished beauty school I got a job 70 minutes from my home at the Aveda Spa. I couldn't find a place to live in that small town, so I ended up quitting the job before winter came. In the end I was glad I didn't find an apartment because it probably would have kept me from serving my mission. Because of many similar examples like this, when things fall into place in my life, I often feel like God has had his hand in it.
I also think about how poor we were growing up. I was always embarrassed about the clothes I wore, the holes in my socks, the car we drove and how cool I wasn't. Now I look back and think about how grateful it has made me for the things I have now. It has also made me work hard for the things that I have and not take them for granted.
The main question at hand is do we trust God and believe that he wants the best for us? If we believe this then we should be able to live in peace. This peace doesn't mean that everything will work out now, but it means that if we trust him, everything will work out in the end. I believe that this trust and our faith in him will be tested throughout our lives to great degrees. In the mean time, I'll just try to keep singing, "peace be still, peace be still."
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Making the World a Better Place
Although it has been about a month, I keep thinking about something that was said in sacrament meeting in my mom's ward. The bishop got up to say a few words after the previous two speakers had spoken about doing service for others. He said that he was reading the parable of the talents in the New Testament and this time he was really surprised by how angry the Lord was at the man who did nothing with his talent. His reaction seemed to him stronger than warranted, so he just kept thinking about why the Lord was so angry.
The conclusion he finally reached was that the Lord wants us to make a difference in this world. That is what we are here for. We have been given this time on earth to grow and progress and make a difference. If we don't accomplish these things then our being here has no meaning for ourselves or for others.
Since I have been pondering his words, I have thought a lot about good old George Bailey from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life". That movie always brings me to tears in the end. To see a man who thought his life didn't matter, to see a man who thought he was worth more dead than alive, to see a man who wanted a very different life from the one he had. We see that our thoughts can be very powerful and sometimes they can be very wrong. He had started to believe the words of Mr. Potter who's selfishness had great power to do a lot of destruction in the community.
Then in the end to see George realize that he not only mattered but that he had affected the lives of so many. He realized that he had been given the love of a wonderful family and to see that his life mattered to the whole community. He not only saw that he mattered to them but he saw that his friends and family would go to great lengths to help him out in his time of need. What had really changed in this story? George was able to see the real story and see the real truth, his life mattered and he did a great deal to make the world a better place.
One of the reasons I love that movie is that I feel like I can relate in so many ways. I want to be able to travel and see the world. I want to live in Hawaii, or at least somewhere sunny and warm. I want to be free from cares and responsibilities. I have a different plan for my life than God does and sometimes I wonder why he just can't see things my way.
Then I ask myself have I made a difference in the world? Well perhaps my life hasn't made as much of a difference as George Bailey's but I still wonder how I have made a difference. Has a talk I have given or a lesson at church made a difference to someone? Have I helped anyone to be a better person? How did my mission affect the lives of those I interacted with? How has my serving in church callings made a difference? How have my friendships mattered to my friends? What about my family? How has my life mattered to them? How has my job affected the lives of seminary students around the world? Perhaps someday I will know and see what my life has meant. Too bad I can't be given George Bailey's gift and see what the world would be like if I was never born. Sometimes you just wonder.
In the mean time I will just be thinking of ways that I can make a difference in the lives of others. Like this man in this video...
Or thinking about the good people are doing all around me like moms...
The conclusion he finally reached was that the Lord wants us to make a difference in this world. That is what we are here for. We have been given this time on earth to grow and progress and make a difference. If we don't accomplish these things then our being here has no meaning for ourselves or for others.
Since I have been pondering his words, I have thought a lot about good old George Bailey from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life". That movie always brings me to tears in the end. To see a man who thought his life didn't matter, to see a man who thought he was worth more dead than alive, to see a man who wanted a very different life from the one he had. We see that our thoughts can be very powerful and sometimes they can be very wrong. He had started to believe the words of Mr. Potter who's selfishness had great power to do a lot of destruction in the community.
Then in the end to see George realize that he not only mattered but that he had affected the lives of so many. He realized that he had been given the love of a wonderful family and to see that his life mattered to the whole community. He not only saw that he mattered to them but he saw that his friends and family would go to great lengths to help him out in his time of need. What had really changed in this story? George was able to see the real story and see the real truth, his life mattered and he did a great deal to make the world a better place.
One of the reasons I love that movie is that I feel like I can relate in so many ways. I want to be able to travel and see the world. I want to live in Hawaii, or at least somewhere sunny and warm. I want to be free from cares and responsibilities. I have a different plan for my life than God does and sometimes I wonder why he just can't see things my way.
Then I ask myself have I made a difference in the world? Well perhaps my life hasn't made as much of a difference as George Bailey's but I still wonder how I have made a difference. Has a talk I have given or a lesson at church made a difference to someone? Have I helped anyone to be a better person? How did my mission affect the lives of those I interacted with? How has my serving in church callings made a difference? How have my friendships mattered to my friends? What about my family? How has my life mattered to them? How has my job affected the lives of seminary students around the world? Perhaps someday I will know and see what my life has meant. Too bad I can't be given George Bailey's gift and see what the world would be like if I was never born. Sometimes you just wonder.
In the mean time I will just be thinking of ways that I can make a difference in the lives of others. Like this man in this video...
Or thinking about the good people are doing all around me like moms...
I guess I will just have to continue to think about how I can leave my mark on this world in positive ways. :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Early MN Christmas
My trip to Minnesota turned out pretty good. I was only gone for 4 full days but that was just about the right amount of time for me. Most of the time Elias was running around the house with his sugar free popsicle. He seemed to eat at least three of these a day. He would just pull one of his parents over to the fridge and motion for them to get him a popsicle. With his mastery of saying "more please" in baby sign language, his parents were incapable of saying no.
I met Ian's friend Eli who asked me how old I was. I asked him to guess how old I was and he said, 24. I told him I was 37 and he said, "That's impossible!" That was nice to hear, even if it was coming from a 6 year old.
There was the family Christmas party that was a little on the stressful side since I was in charge of the turkey and the mashed potatoes for 17 people. It all worked out in the end. A large black lady that lives at my mom's new building came down to the party room with her walker and got in line to get some food. My aunt Peggy had to tell her that this was a family only event. She said, "So what you are saying is that I'm not welcome?" Thankfully Peggy diffused that situation but she caused plenty of her own drama later. Cate made two amazing gluten free pumpkin pies sweetened with honey. I think, "I should probably get that recipe from her." and then I think nah, I don't need to eat a whole pie by myself, cause that is exactly what would happen.
Another one of my highlights was going to Ian's school and having lunch with him. He didn't talk. He didn't even want to answer my questions. I think he was just happy I was there because some of the kids in his class refuse to play with him at recess and tell him that he is not a good friend. I thought only girls played those games.
I met Ian's friend Eli who asked me how old I was. I asked him to guess how old I was and he said, 24. I told him I was 37 and he said, "That's impossible!" That was nice to hear, even if it was coming from a 6 year old.
There was the family Christmas party that was a little on the stressful side since I was in charge of the turkey and the mashed potatoes for 17 people. It all worked out in the end. A large black lady that lives at my mom's new building came down to the party room with her walker and got in line to get some food. My aunt Peggy had to tell her that this was a family only event. She said, "So what you are saying is that I'm not welcome?" Thankfully Peggy diffused that situation but she caused plenty of her own drama later. Cate made two amazing gluten free pumpkin pies sweetened with honey. I think, "I should probably get that recipe from her." and then I think nah, I don't need to eat a whole pie by myself, cause that is exactly what would happen.
This year was definitely better than the year my presents got stolen off my doorstep and Moe and his crew were all sick with the stomach flu, or the year Moe forgot to buy the meat and didn't have two forks for us to eat dinner with. It was also really good to see my cousin Leah. She is the blonde who has been living in China. I probably haven't seen her in seven years.
Friday, December 5, 2014
The Best Gifts
I just came from my work Christmas luncheon and heard from a man named Thomas Valetta. I have heard him speak before and he seemed like a really dry speaker. After he would speak people would say, "What a great talk!" and I would be thinking, "Really did I miss something?" Well he spoke just now and I haven't wanted to laugh and cry so much in a long time. Sometimes I think about the people I work with and I think about how they all must have grown up in these happy LDS families in Utah and they got into BYU and met their spouses and they don't really seem to have bad things happen to them. Well even though it seems like the truth it is far from it. Everyone has their struggles and I should never judge.
Tom told us about how he grew up in Compton CA. They were so poor that they couldn't even afford to have a front door. They just had a curtain that they would pull across the front entrance. His birth father died when he was very young. His step-dad was a bar tender and turned into a serious alcoholic when his mother decided to leave the family for another man. When he finally got up the nerve to ask his step-dad when their mother was coming home. He was told that she was never coming home. His step father then asked, "Do you want to know why she is never coming back?" He said he did and then his step-dad proceeded to tell him that it was because he was selfish and was always asking for things. Yikes!
He said that on Christmas Eve the kids were all hanging out and talking about how Santa wasn't going to forget them and how they were going to stay up until he came. His siblings all fell asleep in the living room after their bother had read them some Christmas books he had borrowed from the neighbors. He said that he stayed up and was chanting "Santa, Santa..." over and over again.Then he heard a noise in the kitchen and he said he was sure it was Santa. He ran into the kitchen and found his very inebriated step-dad, stumbling through the door. It woke his siblings and they all went running into the kitchen and saying that they needed to get milk and cookies for Santa. Their step-dad proceeded to tell them how selfish they were and that he was going to teach them a lesson. He started to take off his belt and they knew this meant that they were going to get a whoopin.
He said that if his step-dad had one good characteristic it was that he was very predictable. This meant that they would all file down to the living room and take their turns getting their whoopin. He said on the way down there was a stack of comic books and they would all grab one on the way for some extra padding. He said he was so glad that he was first because he grabbed the thick 50 cent Donald Duck comic book for extra padding. His brother was up first and he said that he did a superb acting job, making it seem like he was really hurting and then it was his turn and he was eager to do an equally amazing job acting like it really hurt. However, mid-beating his father realized that he had the comic book and started to beat him harder and even hitting him on the back with his belt.
Then he was going to beat his little sister, and Tom said that he couldn't let him do it. He got so upset that he went right up to him and hit him in the face. He said that he knew that the moment he connected (even though he knew that he was too little and his step-dad was too numb to feel much of anything) he just had to run as far and as fast as he could. He didn't even bother to look back until he was very far away. He ran and ran and ran until he realized that Santa knew if boys were in their beds at night. He proceeded to run back and he took a wrong turn and to make up for the wrong turn he ran faster. He found himself completely lost. He went to a few houses with the lights on and asked them if they knew where he lived and they didn't.
Finally he sat down and looked up in the sky and saw a million stars. He said that was a miracle in itself to be able to see the stars in Compton, but he shook his fist angrily to the sky and he said I am nothing and nobody cares about me! Then he said that he heard a voice but it was more like feeling than a voice and it said I love you and I will always be here for you. He said he didn't know what it was and thought maybe it was his father who died. He said it wasn't until he connected with the full time missionaries that he came to understand where the message came from. He just felt good so he started to skip and sing Christmas songs (the non-religious ones because that was all he knew) and he did that because he thought that is what you do when you are happy.
Then it got late and he wanted to sleep and shield himself from the cold so he found a car to sleep under. He hung his shoes and socks on the back bumper of the car just incase Santa could still find him. In the morning he checked his socks to see if there was anything in them and they were empty.
That was as much of the story as I can recall at this time and I can't do his story justice. I really wish that someone had it on video because I could watch it over and over again. I guess I will just have to play it back in my mind over and over again. It wasn't your typical Merry Christmas story but it is the one I am probably going to remember the longest.
I have been thinking about his experience all the pain he went through and why he would have to endure that as such a young boy. Then I thinking about what he gained from that experience. What price are people willing to pay to come to know that God is there? I am not going to try to claim that there is a secret formula or that God always answers us the way we want him to but I think for Tom he is happy to give up Santa and all the gifts at Christmas to know that God is there and that he loves us.
Tom told us about how he grew up in Compton CA. They were so poor that they couldn't even afford to have a front door. They just had a curtain that they would pull across the front entrance. His birth father died when he was very young. His step-dad was a bar tender and turned into a serious alcoholic when his mother decided to leave the family for another man. When he finally got up the nerve to ask his step-dad when their mother was coming home. He was told that she was never coming home. His step father then asked, "Do you want to know why she is never coming back?" He said he did and then his step-dad proceeded to tell him that it was because he was selfish and was always asking for things. Yikes!
He said that on Christmas Eve the kids were all hanging out and talking about how Santa wasn't going to forget them and how they were going to stay up until he came. His siblings all fell asleep in the living room after their bother had read them some Christmas books he had borrowed from the neighbors. He said that he stayed up and was chanting "Santa, Santa..." over and over again.Then he heard a noise in the kitchen and he said he was sure it was Santa. He ran into the kitchen and found his very inebriated step-dad, stumbling through the door. It woke his siblings and they all went running into the kitchen and saying that they needed to get milk and cookies for Santa. Their step-dad proceeded to tell them how selfish they were and that he was going to teach them a lesson. He started to take off his belt and they knew this meant that they were going to get a whoopin.
He said that if his step-dad had one good characteristic it was that he was very predictable. This meant that they would all file down to the living room and take their turns getting their whoopin. He said on the way down there was a stack of comic books and they would all grab one on the way for some extra padding. He said he was so glad that he was first because he grabbed the thick 50 cent Donald Duck comic book for extra padding. His brother was up first and he said that he did a superb acting job, making it seem like he was really hurting and then it was his turn and he was eager to do an equally amazing job acting like it really hurt. However, mid-beating his father realized that he had the comic book and started to beat him harder and even hitting him on the back with his belt.
Then he was going to beat his little sister, and Tom said that he couldn't let him do it. He got so upset that he went right up to him and hit him in the face. He said that he knew that the moment he connected (even though he knew that he was too little and his step-dad was too numb to feel much of anything) he just had to run as far and as fast as he could. He didn't even bother to look back until he was very far away. He ran and ran and ran until he realized that Santa knew if boys were in their beds at night. He proceeded to run back and he took a wrong turn and to make up for the wrong turn he ran faster. He found himself completely lost. He went to a few houses with the lights on and asked them if they knew where he lived and they didn't.
Finally he sat down and looked up in the sky and saw a million stars. He said that was a miracle in itself to be able to see the stars in Compton, but he shook his fist angrily to the sky and he said I am nothing and nobody cares about me! Then he said that he heard a voice but it was more like feeling than a voice and it said I love you and I will always be here for you. He said he didn't know what it was and thought maybe it was his father who died. He said it wasn't until he connected with the full time missionaries that he came to understand where the message came from. He just felt good so he started to skip and sing Christmas songs (the non-religious ones because that was all he knew) and he did that because he thought that is what you do when you are happy.
Then it got late and he wanted to sleep and shield himself from the cold so he found a car to sleep under. He hung his shoes and socks on the back bumper of the car just incase Santa could still find him. In the morning he checked his socks to see if there was anything in them and they were empty.
That was as much of the story as I can recall at this time and I can't do his story justice. I really wish that someone had it on video because I could watch it over and over again. I guess I will just have to play it back in my mind over and over again. It wasn't your typical Merry Christmas story but it is the one I am probably going to remember the longest.
I have been thinking about his experience all the pain he went through and why he would have to endure that as such a young boy. Then I thinking about what he gained from that experience. What price are people willing to pay to come to know that God is there? I am not going to try to claim that there is a secret formula or that God always answers us the way we want him to but I think for Tom he is happy to give up Santa and all the gifts at Christmas to know that God is there and that he loves us.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
What Going to School is Teaching Me About Myself
I am an independent learner. It is really hard for me to sit still in a class with a teacher who likes to talk (especially about him/herself). I feel like my time is important and it shouldn't be wasted with bad accounting jokes, random botany studies or especially teachers who are using their position to indoctrinate the student body about their political, or social views.
I like to learn at my own pace and that pace is fast. It is so nice to be able to grasp a principal and move on instead of beating a hose that was dead 20 minutes ago. I am sure I would be less uptight about all of this if I wasn't working a full time job on top of school. The few minutes I have to myself are precious when I am juggling work and school. I do all that I can to scrape those extra few minutes together. My current goal is to finish 3 years worth of classes in 6 months and I am so far on track to do that.
I have a really hard time with educational goals that are more than two years out. While I am in school I can hit my studies hard as long as I can shorten the overall length of school. This would be why I went to beauty school after high school. While I was in high school I felt like I was always counting the days until I was free to do what I wanted to do and get paid real money, because I was always poor growing up and I wanted to finally feel like I had some control of my life.
I am a pretty good student. I take pride in my work and when grades are measured I want to do really well. When I went to SLCC I graduated with high honors. Why I wanted to do so well, I am not sure. It isn't like future employers were really going to care. It isn't like I was going to even remember half of the things I learned or even have a need to remember them. I guess it is just an issue of personal pride and integrity.
I can be really hard on myself. When I was getting ready to take a certification exam, I was given some misinformation about the test from a girl in Student Services. I was told that I could reschedule, no problem. Then I called back to confirm after the school had opened for the day and was told that I couldn't reschedule. By this time it was too late for me to rush to the testing center and take it. I get two tries for this test and if I have to take it a third time then I have to pay $130. I was going to be marked as a no show for the test and would only have one more try to take it before I had to pay. I got really worked up about it and after only sleeping 4 hours because I was up studying and then worrying about it. I was in a bad way. Even though I was told that if I have to take the test a second time, they will waive the voucher fee, I kept questioning what I should have done different when my brain just tells me that I need to let it go. I am not sure why it is so hard for me to remember and focus on the fact that I have passed 5 of my 20 classes in the first month.
I don't want to pay a lot of money for my education. I know that there is a big push to be at the best school and get the best education. I did go to the best beauty school in Minneapolis and I am glad I did. At the time I was anxious about taking out a loan for $4,000 to help cover their $6,000 tuition. I believe their tuition now is about $20,000 or more. I was glad I went to that school because the education was a lot better than what I saw or heard about elsewhere and we also had a LOT of clients to work on in comparison to the other schools which helped me feel more prepared to enter the workforce. Just a little side note here, my favorite memory from school was when I was taking my boards and my mom, who has a sensitive scalp was my model. I was trying to do finger waves on her and she yelled out, "She's hurting me!" I was like mom, don't say that. And she said, "Well I would think they would want to know if you are hurting me."
I guess the bottom line here is that I do not like debt looming over me. I don't like school debt, I do not like car debt and I don't even like house debt. I would love to have my place paid off now. That would be a dream. If I finish my degree in 6 months which is my goal, I will pay about $3000, and my work reimburses me 75% so it is going to set me back $750! How many people can say that? I love it.
I like to learn at my own pace and that pace is fast. It is so nice to be able to grasp a principal and move on instead of beating a hose that was dead 20 minutes ago. I am sure I would be less uptight about all of this if I wasn't working a full time job on top of school. The few minutes I have to myself are precious when I am juggling work and school. I do all that I can to scrape those extra few minutes together. My current goal is to finish 3 years worth of classes in 6 months and I am so far on track to do that.
I have a really hard time with educational goals that are more than two years out. While I am in school I can hit my studies hard as long as I can shorten the overall length of school. This would be why I went to beauty school after high school. While I was in high school I felt like I was always counting the days until I was free to do what I wanted to do and get paid real money, because I was always poor growing up and I wanted to finally feel like I had some control of my life.
I am a pretty good student. I take pride in my work and when grades are measured I want to do really well. When I went to SLCC I graduated with high honors. Why I wanted to do so well, I am not sure. It isn't like future employers were really going to care. It isn't like I was going to even remember half of the things I learned or even have a need to remember them. I guess it is just an issue of personal pride and integrity.
I can be really hard on myself. When I was getting ready to take a certification exam, I was given some misinformation about the test from a girl in Student Services. I was told that I could reschedule, no problem. Then I called back to confirm after the school had opened for the day and was told that I couldn't reschedule. By this time it was too late for me to rush to the testing center and take it. I get two tries for this test and if I have to take it a third time then I have to pay $130. I was going to be marked as a no show for the test and would only have one more try to take it before I had to pay. I got really worked up about it and after only sleeping 4 hours because I was up studying and then worrying about it. I was in a bad way. Even though I was told that if I have to take the test a second time, they will waive the voucher fee, I kept questioning what I should have done different when my brain just tells me that I need to let it go. I am not sure why it is so hard for me to remember and focus on the fact that I have passed 5 of my 20 classes in the first month.
I don't want to pay a lot of money for my education. I know that there is a big push to be at the best school and get the best education. I did go to the best beauty school in Minneapolis and I am glad I did. At the time I was anxious about taking out a loan for $4,000 to help cover their $6,000 tuition. I believe their tuition now is about $20,000 or more. I was glad I went to that school because the education was a lot better than what I saw or heard about elsewhere and we also had a LOT of clients to work on in comparison to the other schools which helped me feel more prepared to enter the workforce. Just a little side note here, my favorite memory from school was when I was taking my boards and my mom, who has a sensitive scalp was my model. I was trying to do finger waves on her and she yelled out, "She's hurting me!" I was like mom, don't say that. And she said, "Well I would think they would want to know if you are hurting me."
I guess the bottom line here is that I do not like debt looming over me. I don't like school debt, I do not like car debt and I don't even like house debt. I would love to have my place paid off now. That would be a dream. If I finish my degree in 6 months which is my goal, I will pay about $3000, and my work reimburses me 75% so it is going to set me back $750! How many people can say that? I love it.
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