Dr. Levine begins chapter 2 by defining trauma in greater depth. People can be traumatized by any event they perceive to be life threatening. It does not matter if the event is actually life threatening, the only thing that matters is the person's perception of the threat and an incapacity to deal with it. He shares examples of war, abuse, violence and catastrophic illnesses but then he shares less obvious causes like car accidents, medical procedures, minor injuries, natural disasters, extreme temperatures, loud noises and birth for both mother and child. He mentions that even the thought of some of these things may cause us to have a physiological response.
He goes on to explain some of the responses we may have to trauma that we may not be aware of, that all reside under the umbrella of anxiety. He says, "It is very important to understand that the nervousness or anxiousness, or almost any response you might have, has to do with the arousal or activation of the energy you experience during the original overwhelming event. When you are threatened your body instinctively generates a lot of energy to help you defend yourself against the threat. This is the energy we work with in healing trauma, so we need to be aware of it."
He said that when we feel these feelings it is our body telling us that something isn't right. This something needs our attention and if these feelings aren't dealt with they will develop into the symptoms of trauma. He gives the example that the symptoms of the flu go away in a few days. The effects of trauma do not. Then he goes into greater detail of these symptoms he is referring to.
Hyperarousal- Increased heart rate, sweating, difficulty breathing, cold sweats, tingling, muscular tensions, repetitious thoughts, racing mind and worry.
Constriction- A narrowing of perceptions that allows us to focus on the threat. It alters a person's breathing, muscle tone, and posture to promote efficiency and strength. Blood vessels in the organs constrict so that more energy is available to the muscles which are tensed to take on defensive action. At the same time our digestive system is inhibited, we may also feel numb and shut down.
Disassociation and denial- In trauma disassociation and denial seem to be a favored means of enabling a person to endure experiences that are at the moment beyond endurance. When a traumatic event happens we may act as if nothing happened because the emotions that come with truly acknowledging the situation are too painful to deal with.
Helplessness, Immobility and freezing- This is not the ordinary sense of helplessness, it is the sense of being collapsed, immobilized and utterly helpless. It is not a perception, belief, or a trick of the imagination. It is real.
He then gives a long list of symptoms of trauma in the body. Here they are, hypervigilance, flashbacks, sensitivity to light and sound, hyperactivity, exaggerated emotional and startle responses, nightmares, mood swings, shame, lack of self worth, inability to deal with stress, sleepiness, panic attacks, mental blankness, avoidance behavior, attraction to danger, addictive behaviors, exaggerated or diminished sexual activity, amnesia or forgetfulness, inability to love, nurture and bond with other individuals, fear of dying, self-mutilation, loss of sustaining beliefs (spiritual, religious, interpersonal), excessive shyness, diminished emotional response, inability to make commitments, chronic fatigue or low energy, immune problems, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, asthma, skin disorders, digestive problems, severe PMS, depression and feelings of impending doom, feelings of detachment, alienation and isolation, reduced ability to formulate plans.
To heal ourselves he says we need to trust the messages our bodies are giving us, listen to these calls, increase the awareness of our bodies, and use these messages to begin to heal our traumas. Our bodies are sending us messages that healing needs to happen.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The Randy Mystery
I have been helping out with the special needs mutual road show the last few months and I was warned to be careful around Randy. Apparently he likes to hit on girls and has been in trouble for touching them inappropriately. Right after I got the warning he came right up to me and told me that I looked just like Kristen Stewart. He said that he hoped we could be friends. I had to secretly capture this picture of him tonight.
The mystery comes in where he seems to know things about my childhood. He asked me if I lived in University Village Student Family Housing. He said that he remembered me. I asked when he was born and he is about 6 years younger than me so he would have been in the 1st grade when I was in the 6th grade.
I asked my siblings if they remembered any kids named Randy from our childhood and they said no and it must have been a lucky coincidence. Well I saw him again tonight and sure enough, he came to talk to me first chance he got and he asked me what bus number I rode in elementary school. He said, "Was it 110?" I said I had no idea, then he was asking me who my bus driver was. At first I didn't know but then he said, "Was Fred your bus driver?"
OMGosh! Fred totally was my bus driver. He was this Asian man with false front teeth that he would pop out at random times and then pop them back in as if nothing unusual happened. If you called him out on it he would deny having dentures. I knew Fred well because as 5th and 6th graders, my friend Courtney and I got to be the bus monitors and make sure that all the kids on the bus behaved. Fred just loved to laugh and joke around with his Asian accent. That man was always smiling and laughing.
Randy started to ask me if I knew various 80s songs and then he would sing them to me. He went on an on about how he loves the 80s. I wonder if he is some sort of savant. Who can remember their childhood bus number from 25 years ago??? The only other thing I can figure is that he had some sort of brain injury and he only remembers his childhood. Such a mystery. Well next week is the road show so maybe I will never see Randy again, but he still has my brain turning.
I keep wondering if he is one of the kids I babysat while living in the Village, but I can't think of his name. That kid was a terror. He always wanted to play fight but he showed no mercy. He once took his plastic sword and stabbed me in the stomach so hard that I wondered if he did some real damage. I always had to really question how bad I wanted a few bucks because I usually regretted accepting the job.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Healing Trauma (chapter 1)
My brother in law kept telling me that I needed to read the book "Healing Trauma" by Peter Levine. I put him off for two months feeling like I was too busy with school to read it. I also felt like I had not suffered from trauma so it wasn't going to apply to me.
He kept insisting and finally I got it as an e-book from the library. As I started to read it I realized that I needed to buy it because it was starting to look like it could be helpful for me and I also wanted to get the CD that normally accompanies the book. I have already recommended it to a couple of people that I think it could help as well.
Peter Levine has spent most of his career studying how trauma affects the body. He says that the unresolved effects of trauma can be devastating. It affects our habits and outlook on life that can lead to addictions and poor decisions. It takes a toll on our relationships and family life. It can trigger pain, symptoms and disease.
So what is trauma? Well I thought that a person had to go through a war or be physically or sexually abused to qualify as a trauma victim but that isn't the case. He claims that trauma is the most avoided, ignored, denied, misunderstood and untreated cause of human suffering. He says that it does not need to stem from a major catastrophe. People can be overwhelmed by what we see as ordinary events. We become traumatized when our ability to respond to a perceived threat is in some way overwhelmed.
Trauma is about loss of connection with ourselves, our bodies, our families, others and the world around us. This loss of connection can be hard to recognize because it doesn't happen all at once. It happens over time and we adapt to these changes over time. These are the hidden effects of trauma, the ones we keep to ourselves. We just perceive that something isn't right, without being fully aware of what is happening. These are manifest in the gradual undermining of our self-esteem, self-confidence, feelings of wellbeing and our connection to life. Our choices become limited as we avoid certain feelings, people, situations and places. The result is a loss of freedom, vitality and the fulfillment of our dreams.
Dr. Levine believes that humans are built to overcome the effects of trauma. As we overcome the effects of trauma we can undergo a spiritual transformation and realize our dreams.
Peter Levine has spent most of his career studying how trauma affects the body. He says that the unresolved effects of trauma can be devastating. It affects our habits and outlook on life that can lead to addictions and poor decisions. It takes a toll on our relationships and family life. It can trigger pain, symptoms and disease.
So what is trauma? Well I thought that a person had to go through a war or be physically or sexually abused to qualify as a trauma victim but that isn't the case. He claims that trauma is the most avoided, ignored, denied, misunderstood and untreated cause of human suffering. He says that it does not need to stem from a major catastrophe. People can be overwhelmed by what we see as ordinary events. We become traumatized when our ability to respond to a perceived threat is in some way overwhelmed.
Trauma is about loss of connection with ourselves, our bodies, our families, others and the world around us. This loss of connection can be hard to recognize because it doesn't happen all at once. It happens over time and we adapt to these changes over time. These are the hidden effects of trauma, the ones we keep to ourselves. We just perceive that something isn't right, without being fully aware of what is happening. These are manifest in the gradual undermining of our self-esteem, self-confidence, feelings of wellbeing and our connection to life. Our choices become limited as we avoid certain feelings, people, situations and places. The result is a loss of freedom, vitality and the fulfillment of our dreams.
Dr. Levine believes that humans are built to overcome the effects of trauma. As we overcome the effects of trauma we can undergo a spiritual transformation and realize our dreams.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Joseph Smith Papers
We had a Spring Workshop at work last week and we had a guy names Steve Harper come and speak to us from the Church History Department. He had been working on the Joseph Smith Papers and had a few interesting things to say. He was a pretty dry speaker mostly because he just stood upfront and read his remarks. He jokingly said he tried to be a seminary teacher but the students hated him and he hated the students so he found himself in the Church History Department.
When he finished he opened it up for questions and he said a few things that I found interesting. People were interested in his connection to the Master Masons who claim that they have the original temple ceremony from the time of Christ. He said that our temple ceremony was not a microwaved version of the Mason's practices. He said that many men were Masons at that time and he said for a witness of the difference you should look to a quote from Heber J. Grant who would have been very familiar with the Mason's practices and who was also endowed in our temple. After his endowment he said in effect, I was endowed with power from on high, signifying that what he experienced in his endowment was very different from what he experienced with the Masons.
There were also some questions about how the temple ceremony has changed over time. When he answered this question he wanted to impress upon us that everything the Lord does among us has a human fingerprint on it. Just like the brother of Jared who had God light the stones for their journey across the ocean. He allows us to prepare lessons in the best way we see fit. He does not usually say, "This is the way it HAS to be done." This definitely helped me understand how our temple ceremony could have changed over time. There are messages we should be getting in the temple ceremony through words and symbols and there could certainly be different routes to get us there. He also spoke about how when we receive revelation it comes through to us very clearly but we can not always translate that revelation into our imperfect fallen language for others to understand.
When he finished he opened it up for questions and he said a few things that I found interesting. People were interested in his connection to the Master Masons who claim that they have the original temple ceremony from the time of Christ. He said that our temple ceremony was not a microwaved version of the Mason's practices. He said that many men were Masons at that time and he said for a witness of the difference you should look to a quote from Heber J. Grant who would have been very familiar with the Mason's practices and who was also endowed in our temple. After his endowment he said in effect, I was endowed with power from on high, signifying that what he experienced in his endowment was very different from what he experienced with the Masons.
There were also some questions about how the temple ceremony has changed over time. When he answered this question he wanted to impress upon us that everything the Lord does among us has a human fingerprint on it. Just like the brother of Jared who had God light the stones for their journey across the ocean. He allows us to prepare lessons in the best way we see fit. He does not usually say, "This is the way it HAS to be done." This definitely helped me understand how our temple ceremony could have changed over time. There are messages we should be getting in the temple ceremony through words and symbols and there could certainly be different routes to get us there. He also spoke about how when we receive revelation it comes through to us very clearly but we can not always translate that revelation into our imperfect fallen language for others to understand.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Power of Fasting
I have just been reminded the last couple of months of the power of fasting. I do not enjoy fasting. It is quite difficult for me. Sometimes my blood sugar feels really low and I can get shaky and I often get headaches and stomach cramps. However, It seems like I have received very clear direction and answers to prayers as I have fasted for two specific things over the last few months.
Last month I was fasting about a specific topic and I opened up my scriptures and it just seemed like the words on the page were speaking to me very directly. This experience eased all of my anxiety on the topic.
Then just today I had been fasting and the Relief Society lesson was on the exact topic that I was fasting about and some resources came into my hands that also helped me with that same thing as well.
I love these verses from Isaiah 58...
I just felt like I needed to take a moment to be grateful for the opportunity we have to make sacrifices to our Father in Heaven and how he can provide us with great blessings as we are obedient and take advantage of this wonderful opportunity. This isn't always the case and perhaps some would say that it is all just a coincidence but I can see Gods hand in it.
Last month I was fasting about a specific topic and I opened up my scriptures and it just seemed like the words on the page were speaking to me very directly. This experience eased all of my anxiety on the topic.
Then just today I had been fasting and the Relief Society lesson was on the exact topic that I was fasting about and some resources came into my hands that also helped me with that same thing as well.
I love these verses from Isaiah 58...
6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?
7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?
8 ¶Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy rearward.
9 Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. If thou take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity;
10 And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noonday:
11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.
I just felt like I needed to take a moment to be grateful for the opportunity we have to make sacrifices to our Father in Heaven and how he can provide us with great blessings as we are obedient and take advantage of this wonderful opportunity. This isn't always the case and perhaps some would say that it is all just a coincidence but I can see Gods hand in it.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Super Immunity
I have waited to do this post until I got completely through the Winter. I wanted to see if eating a lot of nutrient dense foods would really bolster my immune system. Since I learned about the ANDI (aggregate nutrient density index) scoring system and tried to eat nutrient packed foods I have definitely seen some positive side effects.
One of the best effects is the fact that I have gone through this winter without getting sick. That isn't to say I have been in perfect health but despite being around sick people at work, sitting next to a very sick person during a movie, flying on 10 different planes and being around all manner of people on public transit I didn't have any illnesses overtake me this entire winter. That isn't to say that I didn't feel any coming on. There were at least 5 times that I felt a sore throat coming on and then the next day it would be gone.
I didn't really even go out of my way to keep from getting sick. I may have had some hot chamomile tea or gone to bed early but there was certainly no going out of my way to prevent anything. I was especially grateful for a strong immune system when I went to Hawaii. A few days before my trip, a sick coworker who always seems to be sick in the winter decided not to use his sick time. I teased him that if I got sick in Hawaii it was going to be his fault. Then right before I left I felt that sore throat coming on again. But whatta ya know? I was better the next day.
What can I say? I really like being well. My health isn't perfect but it sure is nice to be well when it really matters. My next goal will be reducing my stress levels. :/
I didn't really even go out of my way to keep from getting sick. I may have had some hot chamomile tea or gone to bed early but there was certainly no going out of my way to prevent anything. I was especially grateful for a strong immune system when I went to Hawaii. A few days before my trip, a sick coworker who always seems to be sick in the winter decided not to use his sick time. I teased him that if I got sick in Hawaii it was going to be his fault. Then right before I left I felt that sore throat coming on again. But whatta ya know? I was better the next day.
What can I say? I really like being well. My health isn't perfect but it sure is nice to be well when it really matters. My next goal will be reducing my stress levels. :/
Friday, April 10, 2015
Tiny Red Pill
I may just be a B12 Lifer. I am surprised by how great my results from B12 have been. I have been on it for about two weeks now and it is hard to imagine that those tiny red pills can have such a huge effect when you are deficient. There is a part of me that wanted to wait a few months before doing this post so I could be surer of the effects but I am just too excited about it to not write about it.
My energy has improved drastically. I went from sleeping 10-11 hours a night to only needing about 7 hours of sleep. This week I have been waking up between 4:00 and 5:00am and I just find myself not being able to sleep anymore. I also have had the energy and time to exercise in the morning which I haven't done for longer than I want to admit. I imagine that my stamina will continue to improve and perhaps I will be outside running again this summer.
My digestion has improved quite a bit and I am starting to add healthy foods back into my diet that I had taken out because they seemed too be too hard for me to digest like raw foods and fats. I have been weaning myself off my oxygen pills that I used to take every day for my digestion. It is just nice to know after all this time when I was told that there wasn't anything wrong with me, or I was making a big deal out of nothing, or that it was all just in my head that there really was something the matter with me. I am just glad to know that it wasn't some incurable infection or some rare disease.
My nerves are so much better. I don't have the tenseness I had before except for the tightness of my muscles which is due to me starting to exercise again. I am not dealing with the shortness of breath I had before where I couldn't seem to take full breaths without huge effort. My stomach muscles are able to relax when they used to be tensed up all of the time. I will also say that I am sure that there is no amount of yoga, talk therapy, anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants that would have eased my nerves. Without B12, my life would have been a constant battle to relax.
I am starting to get back into my studies again and find it less of a challenge to focus on my assignments. It is no longer overwhelming to think about memorizing information or finishing my classes. Today I should be done with my 14th and 15th classes and I will only have 5 more to go!
In some ways I feel like my body has been used for my own scientific experimentation. In a period of about 20 years none of my doctors could give me the answers I needed so I just felt like I had to keep trying new things until something worked. I mean something would eventually have to work right? To think about the thousands of dollars that have been spent on me for lab tests, my endoscopy, my liver ultrasound, prescriptions that did nothing for me or made me feel worse, supplements, detoxes, and just your basic doctor's visits gets really frustrating. When I think about how little most doctors seem to know about B12 I just want to shout it from the housetops. I am debating writing all of the doctors I had visited a letter just so they can help other people in my situation. I feel like it might be a little premature for that at this point but maybe after a month or two I can be sure this isn't just a placebo effect.
I have told so many people that they need to be taking it. At least six of my family members are taking it which is probably a good thing because I was reading that predominant groups in my family history like the Norwegians have a tendency to lack B12. This also probably helps explain my family's battle with anxiety. My mom told me that my grandfather used to be on B12 for his alcoholism which has pushed her and me to get my brother to start taking B12 as well. He has seen too many friends die young recently who had issues with alcohol and poor diets. I have also told two vegan friends that they need to be taking it. I am not so sure they have taken my advice quite yet but I will keep pushing them. One has chronic unexplained back pains that her doctors can't help her with and the other has chronic fatigue but they both like to tell me that they are fine and not in need of B12.
I have always believed in the power of nutrition and diet to help our bodies heal themselves and I had my doubts for a while when I couldn't figure out my problem but now I am back on the bandwagon more than ever. I have started to also take a women's multi-vitamin just in case there is some other vitamin I am deficient in that I don't know about and I am taking D3. I can't be sure that all of the positive results are from B12 but I would say that for the most part the answers I have found point to B12. Interesting how my health had to get so bad before the light bulb finally went off. Perhaps it isn't the cure for everyone but I am SO glad I have discovered it!
My energy has improved drastically. I went from sleeping 10-11 hours a night to only needing about 7 hours of sleep. This week I have been waking up between 4:00 and 5:00am and I just find myself not being able to sleep anymore. I also have had the energy and time to exercise in the morning which I haven't done for longer than I want to admit. I imagine that my stamina will continue to improve and perhaps I will be outside running again this summer.
My digestion has improved quite a bit and I am starting to add healthy foods back into my diet that I had taken out because they seemed too be too hard for me to digest like raw foods and fats. I have been weaning myself off my oxygen pills that I used to take every day for my digestion. It is just nice to know after all this time when I was told that there wasn't anything wrong with me, or I was making a big deal out of nothing, or that it was all just in my head that there really was something the matter with me. I am just glad to know that it wasn't some incurable infection or some rare disease.
My nerves are so much better. I don't have the tenseness I had before except for the tightness of my muscles which is due to me starting to exercise again. I am not dealing with the shortness of breath I had before where I couldn't seem to take full breaths without huge effort. My stomach muscles are able to relax when they used to be tensed up all of the time. I will also say that I am sure that there is no amount of yoga, talk therapy, anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants that would have eased my nerves. Without B12, my life would have been a constant battle to relax.
I am starting to get back into my studies again and find it less of a challenge to focus on my assignments. It is no longer overwhelming to think about memorizing information or finishing my classes. Today I should be done with my 14th and 15th classes and I will only have 5 more to go!
In some ways I feel like my body has been used for my own scientific experimentation. In a period of about 20 years none of my doctors could give me the answers I needed so I just felt like I had to keep trying new things until something worked. I mean something would eventually have to work right? To think about the thousands of dollars that have been spent on me for lab tests, my endoscopy, my liver ultrasound, prescriptions that did nothing for me or made me feel worse, supplements, detoxes, and just your basic doctor's visits gets really frustrating. When I think about how little most doctors seem to know about B12 I just want to shout it from the housetops. I am debating writing all of the doctors I had visited a letter just so they can help other people in my situation. I feel like it might be a little premature for that at this point but maybe after a month or two I can be sure this isn't just a placebo effect.
I have told so many people that they need to be taking it. At least six of my family members are taking it which is probably a good thing because I was reading that predominant groups in my family history like the Norwegians have a tendency to lack B12. This also probably helps explain my family's battle with anxiety. My mom told me that my grandfather used to be on B12 for his alcoholism which has pushed her and me to get my brother to start taking B12 as well. He has seen too many friends die young recently who had issues with alcohol and poor diets. I have also told two vegan friends that they need to be taking it. I am not so sure they have taken my advice quite yet but I will keep pushing them. One has chronic unexplained back pains that her doctors can't help her with and the other has chronic fatigue but they both like to tell me that they are fine and not in need of B12.
I have always believed in the power of nutrition and diet to help our bodies heal themselves and I had my doubts for a while when I couldn't figure out my problem but now I am back on the bandwagon more than ever. I have started to also take a women's multi-vitamin just in case there is some other vitamin I am deficient in that I don't know about and I am taking D3. I can't be sure that all of the positive results are from B12 but I would say that for the most part the answers I have found point to B12. Interesting how my health had to get so bad before the light bulb finally went off. Perhaps it isn't the cure for everyone but I am SO glad I have discovered it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
