The Happiness Project (part four)

In Gretchen's next section she decides to find happiness through contemplating the heavens.  I was curious how she was going to accomplish this since she was not a religious person.  She started by learning about people who had overcome incredible tragedies and this at least made her more grateful for all the little things in her life that she took for granted.  She also went to rewrite her last will and testament with her husband.  This made her contemplate her life and all that she had. 

I have to admit that this subject of death has been on my mind too.  I got a call from my sister and she her husband had been trying to decide what they wanted to happen if they both died.  She told me that she would be leaving me their life insurance policy and their three children.  While the odds are so slim that anything would happen to both of them it is pretty sobering to think about how your life could change in an instant.  I could become a single mom of three kids.  How crazy would that be?  It is also nice to know that they trust me that much. 

Then she decided that she needed to find and then imitate a spiritual master.  She asked her blog readers who their spiritual masters were and they mentioned Jesus Christ, Zen teachers, Vincent Van Gough, Charles Darwin, Anne Lamott, Dr. Andrew Weil, Rabbi Wayne Dosick, Victor Frankl, St Paul, Dali Lama, Benjamin Franklin, Dan Savage, Henry David Thoreau, Mother Teresa, Gloria Steinem, and St Francis of Assisi.  One of her blog readers wrote, "Knowing what you admire in others is a wonderful mirror into your deepest yet unborn self."

This all made me think of who my spiritual mentors are.  I have quite a few if I think about it both in and out of my Mormon faith.  Top of the list has to be Christ and then so many of our prophets and my church leaders and institute teachers.  Then I also really admire Mother Teresa, Gandhi, John Newton, Greg Mortenson and so many others who work to make this world a better place through selfless service. Gretchen ended up picking St Therese of Lisieux as her spiritual mentor even though she isn't Catholic.  This Super Saint was a simple young nun who's diary was turned into a memoir called, "The Story of a Soul" after she died of tuberculosis at the age of 24.  Gretchen had purchased and read 17 books on her as she studied her life. 

It is pretty easy for me to see why we do this.  Why we need spiritual mentors.  I assume we all want to be better people (don't we?) and yet if we all wanted to be like God right now that would be too overwhelming and seem to unattainable.  It seems easier to see normal people born out of ordinary circumstances who were often propelled by their faith or there compassion or their trails to overcome life's challenges and overcome unprecedented odds.  They touch lives, change the world and leave a great and lasting mark on this world that will be remembered forever.  It makes me say, "If Mother Teresa can pick maggots out of leprous bodies on the streets of India then it shouldn't be so hard for me to smile and say hi to people I see on the street."

At the end of this particular chapter Gretchen says that some people choose not to be happy.  Say WHAT!?!  Yea, and after reading about it, I realized that I have made the choice (not always consciously) to not be happy.  It all just reiterates the fact that happiness is a choice (except in cases of depressed people) AND that being happy is a skill that can be learned, just like learning to play a musical instrument.  Here are the examples she gives of people who make the choice to not be happy.

• Some people think that there are more important things than happiness.  They think that fighting for social justice or some other issue should be their focus more than seeking their own happiness.  They may believe that it isn't fair for them to be happy if there are starving children in Africa.  
• Some equate happiness with a lack of Intellectual rigor, although science shows no link between the two. 
• Some think that it isn't cool to be happy.  They may equate happiness with goofiness and that is totally uncool.
• Some just don't want to expend the energy to be happy.  They know it takes work and they just don't think it is worth it.
• Some cultivate unhappiness to control others because without it they can not get pity or attention.
• Some believe that unhappiness = selflessness and happiness = unselfishness but Gretchen calls this thinking misguided and says that it requires more energy, discipline and generosity to be unfailingly happy and try help others be happy.  Happy people are self sufficient and act as a better cushion for others.  They often don't get credit for their work because happiness for them often seems effortless. Happy people are much more likely to help others, give to charity and volunteer.
• Some are superstitious about happiness.  They are afraid that if they admit happiness they will be tempting fate.  This is actually more common than you would think and is seen in nearly all cultures. 
• Some also feel that if they anticipate trouble and tragedy that they will somehow avoid it. In some cases this can work to your advantage and make you wear a seatbelt but in other cases unnecessary fears and worries can rob us of any happiness we might have.

Now I suppose I am going to have to ask myself, when I am not happy if I making the choice not to be happy?  Doesn't seem like it will be easy for me to admit that I have made a choice to be miserable but I can't argue with the truth I suppose.