Utah Life

I can say that I am finally feeling settled here in Utah. I have moved everything out of storage, I found a great place to live with a great roommate, a great car that I saved almost $4,000 on, a great three piece bedroom set for $250 and I think by next week I may even have a job offer. I found a lot of good stuff on KSL.com. I got the desk for $20. The chair, I spent too much on (3 x as much) but I loved it and it was perfect for the small space I have for it.

Then there is my car a 2013 Sonata. It was a repossessed car that had a book value of $12,000 and I got it for $8,000 out the door. Yes, it has a salvaged title, but I love it. Moe was a huge help for me, picking it up in Provo when I was in Minnesota. No accidents, just owned by a person who for whatever reason couldn't pay their bills. I just hope they changed their oil every now and then. 

I have also had two interviews with England Logistics for their Cash Applications Team Lead. They don't seem to have any trouble telling me that they like me and have been trying to sell me on working for their company. I think it could be a good fit. It is only a 15 minute drive but this job comes with much less in the way of benefits than I am used to. Hopefully they will offer me the job next week, and hopefully I can negotiate more benefits. 

Now that I am back, I am reminded of some of the reasons I left. I am still grateful for the friends I have here and that I am able to connect with them again, but the singles life leaves a little to be desired. I ran into a friend at FHE last Monday that I have known for 12 years or more. I don't think either of us have been interested in dating each other at any point in time. I think because of that we were able to have a very candid conversation about dating. The topic must have come up after I saw him texting his girlfriend who replied with a lot of 👄👄👄👄👄👄👄👄 lips. Haha!

The lesson at FHE was about addiction. It was obviously a topic that some in the group were passionate about. I am sure I have had my addictions but I never thought that they were THAT serious (as in keep me out of the temple serious). I was wondering why we even needed to talk about it. 

When the lesson was over Lance (we'll call him) decided to give me some dating advice. I am curious how other men feel about what he said. He said that 99% of the men at church in the mid-singles wards are single for a reason and a lot of it has to do with addictions that they have not been able to overcome. They feel so worthless that they don't even try to have serious relationships. 

He said that he has asked for girls numbers and taken them out in the past just because he wanted to boost his self esteem. He wasn't asking them out because he wanted to create an eternal family. He said that he basically has just been using women to help him out with his own insecurities. 

Lance said  that most girls he knows are near perfect (as in not having insecurities or addictions) and these girls expect to find a guy that has overcome his own issues, but the guys just feel like they are never going to  measure up. He said that when he talks to girls he immediately wonders how they will judge him and he said that the best thing I could do is try to calm a guys insecurities and somehow let him know that I don't expect perfection. Also to let him know if he has any issues I would be willing to help him through the issues and be there to support him.

The truth though as I see it is that women have issues too. women are also looking for the love and support from a guy to accept them as they are and help them to over come their challenges and insecurities too. I wouldn't ever claim to be without issues. I also don't believe that one sided relationships work out so well. In conclusion, aren't we all broken and don't we all just want someone to love us? Yet our fears and insecurities keep us from making the human connection that we all crave. 

This brings me to the last thought on my mind, love. When did we forget how to love each other? I often think of the scripture in Matthew 24:12, "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold."

I have been hearing too many stories of couples breaking up because the men want a hotter girlfriend or because they just aren't excited enough to marry her after they have been dating three years. Where is the love ya'll? Is that how you go through life? Are you so drowning in your own insecurities that you have no capacity to love or serve another person? You just want a hot girlfriend because then she would make all of your insecurities go away? Too many questions and not enough answers. I'll just let you stew on that.

I am grateful for friends that I can have candid conversations with about this mess of confusion we call life and dating. I guess after just watching the movie Taken that I will just count my blessings that I haven't been sold into the sex trade.