Love Takes Time

I don't really have the time I'd like to organize my thoughts and feelings about love this Valentine's Day but I enjoy the words of LDS Church leaders who help us understand love and how to have greater joy and happiness in our lives. I recently came across this talk by Marvin J. Ashton as I was preparing a talk for church and I thought if nothing else, I would at least have the time to share his message with you here.

I also have this tidbit from Moroni 7:45-48

45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

Happy V-day everybody!

Vengeance is Mine!

I guess I feel like I have partially written about this topic before here, but the scripture is on my mind again. It is on my mind because I was wronged by a friend recently who promised me their expensive sofa sectional. I am not one who just likes to take things from people without offering something in return, but it was still offered to me and I was planning to take them up on their offer. Then when I was trying to make plans to pick it up, I was told that it was sold to someone else and they were going to get a trip to Hawaii out of the deal.

I guess you could say I felt betrayed and confused. Now I was going to have to shell out $1000 to get my own sofa and chairs for my new home. When I pointed out to this person that they hadn't really been fair with me they responded with a couple of angry text messages about how it was all my fault and I had no right to be angry. Seemed a little passive aggressive and perhaps a little bi-polar. I just decided not to respond.

I had previously mentioned to a few of my friends that I was offered a free sectional and now I was going to have to go out and look for another option.  These loyal friends seemed to get more angry than I was about the situation. Honestly I don't like taking things from people without offering something in return because there is always an expectation that you owe them something, somehow whether it is money, loyalty or whatever your imagination can conger.

Well, it took four days but this person did finally apologize. They offered to take me couch shopping or I could hit them and either or both of those options were available to me. I was just grateful that they saw their error. I can't say I haven't made mistakes before. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I do not want to be a hypocrite. I have done stupid things in the past. So when they apologized, it took me a few days but I decided to forgive.

Well not my friends. They are still angry and they don't want to talk about, see or talk to this person. I on the other hand am over it. Sure the trust is gone and that will take time to rebuild, but I don't know what the point is in trying to punish this person.

One scripture tells me to let it go Mormon 8:20. Why does this scripture help me? It tells me that I can let go of revenge. It tells me that if there is any revenge necessary, He will take care of it. He will repay. When God says he will do something he will do something. I can just leave it in his very capable hands. He will also do the judging, because usually us mortals are terrible at it anyway.

The one thing I failed to tell this friend is, perhaps they should worry about making it right with God if they haven't done so already. I am over it. Now I just have to worry about getting my friends to let it go.

Praying with Stipulations

So I have been trying to decide if I should buy a town home and there have been some issues in the process that made me want to back out. It happened pretty fast and I was feeling a little anxious about it and wondering if I should go through with it. I fasted and went to the temple to pray about it. Mostly I was worried that it wouldn't be a good financial investment and that I would be safe there. I wanted Heavenly Father to tell me to back out if I was going to lose money on this deal in the end.

I wanted it to be easy, painless and without any problems. Looking back I wonder how many of my prayers come with stipulations. I remember once praying for humility and the thought flashed into my mind, "You're going to get in a car accident." I quickly clarified my prayer, "but just don't put me through a car accident. Anything to humble me but that." I believe it was within a week, I totaled my car.

While I was in the temple I was reading about Joseph Smith and the questions he prayed about. Then I thought about how much opposition he went through. I wondered what would have happened if he prayed, "Help me to know the truth, as long as it isn't hard, painful, stressful, humiliating, emotionally draining, or heart wrenching. Just help me and my family be comfortable, financially secure and full of joy all the time.

My sister was telling me about a christian radio station she was listening to many years ago and a guy calling in said, "We have to understand that if we pray for something like patience, faith or humility, we are going to have to pick up the other end of that stick. If we pray for patience we are probably going to have an experience that tests our patience. If we pray for greater faith we will likely have an experience that tries our faith. If we pray for humility, we will likely have a humbling experience."

I guess that is a part of faith. We have to say, help me gain these characteristics, or help me grow and not have it be based on feeling swell all the time. We just can't limit the Lord's blessings with our stipulations.

This isn't to say that painful experiences are always necessary for growth. The Lord has told us that any trials we endure shall be for our good (D&C 122) but I know that he doesn't needlessly throw a wrench in our lives for fun. We can always seek the Lord's blessings through obedience to his commandments.

This isn't to also say that we shouldn't pray about big decisions, but perhaps in our prayers we should be focused on spiritual growth and other blessings without limiting what the Lord is able to do with us based on our stipulations.

I know with the town home I owned previously it didn't turn out to be the best financial investment but it brought people into my life that were probably more important than an expanding bank account.

Blessed

I feel like I shouldn't let a Thanksgiving go by without saying what I am grateful for. I am grateful to God for his love, the plan he prepared and that he sent us his son. I am grateful for Jesus and the example and teacher he was. That he was obedient to the Father's plan and that He brought about the redemption of mankind.

I am grateful for good family that know me so well and support me in all my needs. I am grateful for their love and the relationships we have built throughout the years. I am grateful that they long to spend time with me when I am away and we always have a joyful reunion. I am grateful that I get to go and see them again for Christmas.

I am grateful for so many good friends that show their love to me over and over again. I am grateful for their support, that they care how I am doing and what is going on in my life. I am grateful for a wonderful roommate that is always on the go and loves to plan fun activities and drags me along to her fun much of the time.

I am grateful for a great house to live in, that I am close to my work and church. I am grateful for a good ward that I was lucky enough to move into the boundaries of. I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and how it has changed me and made me a better person.

I am grateful for God given good food that nourishes my body and gives me strength and energy. I am grateful for good health and a capable body. I am grateful for my education and how it has allowed me to grow in my career. I am grateful to have found a job that is such a good fit for my skills and abilities and I am grateful that I am slowly starting to understand my job functions better.

I am grateful for good dance music and how it makes me move and dance. I am grateful for my roller-blades and that I have a park nearby with a great path to skate on.

I am grateful for vitamin D and how it improves my mood and helps me sleep deep. I am grateful for the things I have learned about health and how it has helped me better understand what is happening in my own body.

I am grateful that I was able to pick up and move to Hawaii and have fun adventures there and fun trips with good friends. My trip to France was amazing. I am so glad I took that opportunity. I am grateful that I was able to see what it was like to jump out of a plane this last year and despite signing an eight page waiver form, I was able to survive.

I am grateful for the winter holidays and how they give us something to look forward to, a break from work and time with family and friends.

This list probably could be more exhaustive but I am also grateful for a good nights sleep and I need to go get ready for that.

A Law Unto Itself

I was messaging a "friend" from Hawaii. Friend is in quotation marks because we have many differences and there is a huge gap between how we choose to live our lives. He was raised in a very strict and sheltered Christian home. When he got out on his own, he experimented with everything that was previously forbidden.

You can tell that there is a lot about his life that he can't reconcile.  His belief in God with his rebellious life. I have teased him about how he has Mormon envy and he agreed with me. He has at least two other LDS friends that I can tell he respects. I think he has a hard time understanding how a people can live their convictions despite their temptations and be happy about it. He can't seem to understand our dedication or our love for God.

As we were chatting, he went on and on and on about how happy he was in his sinful life (my words not his). I would add little comments about how I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I wanted the conversation to be over because, he seemed to think that his opinion was the only one that mattered. He was trying to convince me that I would be so happy and free if I just lived like he did. I interjected that I would remember what he said when I was standing before God to be judged of him. I just wanted him to see a different perspective.

How does he seem to be so happy about his life when the thought of it just makes me sick and sorry for him?

I thought about him at Institute class tonight when we were learning about the three degrees of glory and we read Doctrine and Covenants 88:34:35...

And again, verily I say unto you, that which is governed by law is also preserved by law and perfected and sanctified by the same.

That which breaketh a law, and abideth not by law, but seeketh to become a law unto itself, and willeth to abide in sin, and altogether abideth in sin, cannot be sanctified by law, neither by mercy, justice, nor judgment. Therefore, they must remain filthy still.

There is a lot there to ponder and I am not sure I can unpack it all right now. To me this scripture talks about how as we are governed by law, it sanctifies and perfects us. This with the aid of the atonement we are changed. If we do not allow the law to change us by living it, we will set our will as the law. Our desires rule over us. If we take our own path, we will not be changed or cleansed by following our own desires. We will not progress, grow or learn. Seems like such an awful state of being to me. In the mean time I will just feel sorry for all he doesn't see, when I am sure he feels exactly the same way about me.

Turning - into +

So I'm getting a little more management experience under my belt. Sometimes I need to remember it is better to keep my lips zipped and the less I say sometimes the better.

I had to plan a team building activity. I wanted to focus on the fact that there was a bit of negativity coming from one employee that was a little contagious to others. I wanted to do this without calling her out in front of everyone else or making it too obvious that I wanted her to change her attitude. I certainly prayed about it because I knew if this went wrong it could go terribly wrong.

We did a get to know you activity were we answered questions about ourselves, and that was fine. Maybe more of an ice breaker than anything else.

Then I had the 6 of of them pair up and share a negative experience they had with each other. They were told that they were going to have to relate the experience of the other person, so they would probably want to take notes. There was quite the somber feeling in the room. One guy talked about how he had fallen down the stairs and pinched a nerve so he couldn't walk normal and how he had to have surgery to get things to be better. One girl talked about how she found out that her family has been having dinner with all the members of the family and she and her husband have not been invited. I also heard a guy talk about how things went horribly wrong on his flight to Hawaii for his honeymoon.

Then I told them that they needed to tell the stories but they couldn't say anything negative. They could only share the positive things that happened during or came from the experience. The mood instantly changed and we were all laughing so hard.

The guy who told the story about the accident said. "He is alive today, and he walks better than he used to. The story about the girl with the family dinner just said, "She got invited to dinner with her family." Lastly, the guy who had a bad flight, his story changed to just be that he got to go to Hawaii on his honeymoon.

We were just laughing because everyone was being a little obnoxious about it and all the bad feelings just went away. It went way better than I was expecting and I got a lot of good feedback too. I think my boss's boss may be stealing my ideas because he asked for the list of questions I used and he told me in an email how glad he was that I had come to work for them.

Whether or not this will have any lasting impressions, I don't know. Sometimes I think we just need to remember that if there is nothing we can do about a situation, we can always decide what we are going to focus on and how we are going to let it affect us. We also need to remember to take our focus off the past and work to make our futures better. Nothing good comes from dwelling on a bad experience unless we just want to make sure the experience doesn't happen again.

Utah Life

I can say that I am finally feeling settled here in Utah. I have moved everything out of storage, I found a great place to live with a great roommate, a great car that I saved almost $4,000 on, a great three piece bedroom set for $250 and I think by next week I may even have a job offer. I found a lot of good stuff on KSL.com. I got the desk for $20. The chair, I spent too much on (3 x as much) but I loved it and it was perfect for the small space I have for it.

Then there is my car a 2013 Sonata. It was a repossessed car that had a book value of $12,000 and I got it for $8,000 out the door. Yes, it has a salvaged title, but I love it. Moe was a huge help for me, picking it up in Provo when I was in Minnesota. No accidents, just owned by a person who for whatever reason couldn't pay their bills. I just hope they changed their oil every now and then. 

I have also had two interviews with England Logistics for their Cash Applications Team Lead. They don't seem to have any trouble telling me that they like me and have been trying to sell me on working for their company. I think it could be a good fit. It is only a 15 minute drive but this job comes with much less in the way of benefits than I am used to. Hopefully they will offer me the job next week, and hopefully I can negotiate more benefits. 

Now that I am back, I am reminded of some of the reasons I left. I am still grateful for the friends I have here and that I am able to connect with them again, but the singles life leaves a little to be desired. I ran into a friend at FHE last Monday that I have known for 12 years or more. I don't think either of us have been interested in dating each other at any point in time. I think because of that we were able to have a very candid conversation about dating. The topic must have come up after I saw him texting his girlfriend who replied with a lot of 👄👄👄👄👄👄👄👄 lips. Haha!

The lesson at FHE was about addiction. It was obviously a topic that some in the group were passionate about. I am sure I have had my addictions but I never thought that they were THAT serious (as in keep me out of the temple serious). I was wondering why we even needed to talk about it. 

When the lesson was over Lance (we'll call him) decided to give me some dating advice. I am curious how other men feel about what he said. He said that 99% of the men at church in the mid-singles wards are single for a reason and a lot of it has to do with addictions that they have not been able to overcome. They feel so worthless that they don't even try to have serious relationships. 

He said that he has asked for girls numbers and taken them out in the past just because he wanted to boost his self esteem. He wasn't asking them out because he wanted to create an eternal family. He said that he basically has just been using women to help him out with his own insecurities. 

Lance said  that most girls he knows are near perfect (as in not having insecurities or addictions) and these girls expect to find a guy that has overcome his own issues, but the guys just feel like they are never going to  measure up. He said that when he talks to girls he immediately wonders how they will judge him and he said that the best thing I could do is try to calm a guys insecurities and somehow let him know that I don't expect perfection. Also to let him know if he has any issues I would be willing to help him through the issues and be there to support him.

The truth though as I see it is that women have issues too. women are also looking for the love and support from a guy to accept them as they are and help them to over come their challenges and insecurities too. I wouldn't ever claim to be without issues. I also don't believe that one sided relationships work out so well. In conclusion, aren't we all broken and don't we all just want someone to love us? Yet our fears and insecurities keep us from making the human connection that we all crave. 

This brings me to the last thought on my mind, love. When did we forget how to love each other? I often think of the scripture in Matthew 24:12, "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold."

I have been hearing too many stories of couples breaking up because the men want a hotter girlfriend or because they just aren't excited enough to marry her after they have been dating three years. Where is the love ya'll? Is that how you go through life? Are you so drowning in your own insecurities that you have no capacity to love or serve another person? You just want a hot girlfriend because then she would make all of your insecurities go away? Too many questions and not enough answers. I'll just let you stew on that.

I am grateful for friends that I can have candid conversations with about this mess of confusion we call life and dating. I guess after just watching the movie Taken that I will just count my blessings that I haven't been sold into the sex trade.