Happiness is a Serious Problem (part five)

Chapter 27 was the only chapter that really rubbed me the wrong way.  It is titled "Allow Innocuous Expression of Your Lower Parts".  Okay I agree with the title but I don't agree with his definition of "innocuous expression".  Innocuous means not harmful or offensive, and he goes on to say that a big part of men's lower parts is their sex drives and while I will not claim to be an authority on that topic (and some days I am so glad I am not a man), I do not see how he can try to claim that pornography in any way shape or form can be considered not harmful or offensive. It hurts everyone. My mind is incapable of seeing how this is not harmful to everyone involved with it in any way shape or form.  I also felt like he was contradicting himself by saying that happiness is overcoming our human nature and then he was saying we can still do things that not only feed our human nature but can be incredibly addicting and cause a lot of damage in the wake. The point is to transcend our human nature not to feed it and get sucked back into it on a regular basis. I just think that there has to be a better expression or substitute than porn.

He also says in that chapter that we should not feel guilty for dark thoughts which he separates from evil thoughts, but as long as we don't act on them those feeling should not impede a happy life. It is hard for me to fully separate dark, evil and unholy thoughts. They represent different degrees of a problem but none of them are helpful. Obviously with his Jewish beliefs he does not bind himself to Christ's higher law of Matthew 5:27-28. How much better is it for us to be free from all forms of bondage whether mental, spiritual, physical or emotional, than to believe that it is impossible to overcome these things. I can see that he doesn't understand the power that we can receive through the Atonement of Christ and that is very sad to me (honestly I don't think a lot of Christian's get this either). What a blessing it has been in my life over and over again. This all just makes me more grateful for it. Watching mindless TV for 8 hours a day may be better than hurting someone but neither option will really make you happy.

Chapter 28- Seek to do Good- People who do good have inner peace. If you go through life cheating people then you will expect others to cheat you. If you lie you will expect others to lie to you. This is why some of the worst people in the world (like Stalin) are paranoid. Leading a bad life brings loneliness and lack of love. Hitler had no friends and showed no emotion except to his pet bird. Knowing this has helped me let go of revenge and anger because the people who hurt you are usually hurt and definitely unhappy. Love is the only thing that makes a difference. Well I suppose that understanding and forgiveness help too.

Being surrounded by finer people and having friends who show love is a significant contribution to happiness. One cannot be a good person without gratitude and gratitude brings happiness. Gratitude make us better people.  Goodness is the "secret" of every great religion and philosophical system. The more you reach outside of yourself and your ego and do good the more peace you will attain. If you ask an older person about their regrets in life, it will likely have more to do with bad deeds they have done than anything good they've done.

Chapter 29-Develop Self-Control- When others write about happiness they rarely write about self control even though human nature is the greatest obstacle to happiness. He lists several reasons for this...

1. Self-control is difficult and most people want easy roads to happiness.
2. Self-control sounds like a downer and a downer doesn't sound like happiness.
3. Self-control doesn't sell. No one wants to buy a book called "Happiness-Keep Saying no to Yourself"
4. Self-control goes against the spirit of our times which glorifies getting all we want and makes us feel deprived or like a failure if we do not.

Despite all of this, happiness is impossible without self-control. Self-control gives you freedom. Unfortunately many people define the great value of freedom incorrectly. They define freedom as doing whatever they want. Addicts do what they want and they are among the least free people on earth. Freedom means being able to do the things that will bring happiness and that takes self control.

How do we develop self-control? He has a few ideas for that too...

1. If you habituate yourself to exercise self-control you will find it hard to stop.  The opposite is also true, if you habituate yourself to lazy habits you will find it equally difficult to stop.
2. Never lose sight of your goal. It is very difficult to exercise self-control when there is no goal in sight.

Chapter 30-Find and make friends- In the modern world, people are more lonely than ever before. Crime and other factors keep people inside. We need friends to survive. He gives some tips on how to make good friends.

Chapter 31- Psychotherapy and Religion- He believes that we are all wounded and that we all need both of these things. Psychotherapy can not fix our problems but it can give us the tools we need to fix our own problems. He believes that most therapists aren't very good so you have to be careful when you select one. Psychotherapy alone can not make us happy because it teaches us nothing about the meaning of life. Religion alone is not enough because it can be used to mask or cover up our problems. Conversely the finest religious people are also the psychologically healthiest.

Epilogue-The theme that constantly repeats itself in this book is that happiness is attained through moderation. The pursuit of happiness is a noble human endeavor, no less than any other. It is an art that demands no less proficiency than playing a Bach sonata. It requires constant use of the mind and constant self discipline. The route to its attainment confers wisdom and instills gratitude and given it's moral ramifications, he believes that happiness is no less moral an imperative than democracy.

There are a few other things that I wish he would have touched on like the importance of good health including good food and exercise. I believe that we can become very irritable and depressed when our bodies don't have the nutrients they need. Happiness truly is a gigantic puzzle and we have to make sure that we have all the right pieces and that they are all in place, to have things run as well as they can in this fallen world. 

Despite my hiccup with chapter 27 I truly believe that we have to understand the principals in this book as our foundation to seeking happiness. Unfortunately the world is sending us a long list of bad mixed messages about happiness. I am glad that I have been able to see how living by the principals taught here have brought me greater happiness in my life. I wish I had this book years ago when I was trying to figure things out, so I didn't have to learn by trial and error. I am at least grateful for the gospel that has taught me a lot of this stuff.

When I think about the things that have helped me to be the happiest and have the most peace in my life despite the sometimes raging storms, it has to do with feeling the Holy Ghost. Feeling that my life is in accordance with God's plan for me and that I am doing his will is huge. If I know that, then I cannot only be happy but have peace and joy too. These have not come to me easily. They have taken a lot of work and struggle but they have always been worth it.