Happiness is a Serious Problem (part three)

I am pretty sure I have never taken so many notes on a book of this size.  There is so much good stuff packed in it.  I even went out and purchased this book because I have told so many of my friends that they need to read it.  I paid a whopping $4 on ebay for a used version.  It will be so worth having it.  I just wish that everyone knew about this book.  If people really lived by it this world would be such an amazing place to be.  I am doing my small part to spread his message anyway.  ;)

In Chapter 14 he talked about the family as the building block of civilizations.  He said that little can bring us the amount of joy we can receive from family life. It is the most powerful positive force in human life. It is our refuge from a hostile world but sometimes families are the place of the greatest pain.  The number of ways the family can harm us are limitless.  He mentions when children are physically, emotionally or sexually assaulted. Parents don't have a guide book or even have to take a class to be a parent.  They just do the best job they know how.  This usually means that they can pass many problems on for generations.  Parents are almost like Gods over their children.  They have a lot of power over their children.  He stresses that most of all children need love and if they don't get it, it can affect them for the rest of their lives. 

Chapter 15 is about human suffering and how there is too much of it in this world.  He said seeing human suffering must affect the happiness of any sensitive and decent person.  Many ask, "Is it okay to be happy when so many suffer?" Regardless happiness is a choice and happy people have a greater ability to do good. If we believe in a afterlife that is better than this one, that can help us cope with the sufferings of this life.

Chapter 16 is about unconditional love.  He said that 57% of pet owners would pick a pet over a human to be stranded on an island with.  He said that this didn't surprise him, because of the unconditional love pets can give.  He said that adults should not seek unconditional love because it gives them no reason to strive to be better human beings.  As adults we have to earn respect and love. He believes that God's love for us is also conditional. See LDS beliefs on that subject here.  He does believe that children should be given unconditional love and if they don't receive it when they are young they will seek for it into adulthood. 

Chapter 17 was on a subject that I have recently written about, being a victim.  He said that if your primary identity is that of a victim, you will never be happy for these reasons...

• Victims do not see themselves as being in control of their lives.
• Victims see themselves as being unfairly picked on by the world.
• Victims are angry and angry people can never be happy.
• Victims cannot allow themselves to enjoy life because that would challenge their perspective of how they see themselves.

Only on the day we begin to shed the victim identity can we begin to attain happiness.  Why then would people choose to be victims when it makes them unhappy?  He has some reasons for that...

• It keeps them from confronting life or their personal issues.
• They like getting sympathy.
• It is easier not to take control of your own life.
• Self pity can be addictive.
• It is hard to mature and it is not valued in our present culture.

Chapter 18 is about the opposite sex.  Just like families, the opposite sex can bring us incredible joy or misery.  Men have an insatiable desire for sex and women have an insatiable desire emotional intimacy.  Both partners have to fight their natures to have harmony in a relationship.  Men and women's desires are rarely satisfied. Both partners should do what they can to support each other's unmet desires.

Chapter 19 is titled "Genes or Biochemistry". He starts by saying that we are all born with a personality. Some are born moody and some are born cheerful. Most unhappiness is circumstance, attitude and psychology.  Some unhappiness has biochemical origins and needs to be treated as such.  He shares what he believes are common misconceptions about anti-depressants...

• Those who take drugs never confront the pain in their lives.
• These drugs make people happy and their happiness is artificial.
• There is shame in taking drugs and people should solve their problems with out drugs.

He says that no one should be shamed for taking psychiatric drugs, due to many misconceptions about them. He believes that they should be a last resort after therapy, religion and other efforts have failed. People with biological depression need to be careful not to blame themselves or loved ones for their unhappiness. If you or a loved one are continually depressed, the chances are that no loved one can make a difference and you must end the cycle of blame and get help. 

Chapter 20 is about the need we all have to find meaning and purpose in our lives. This is necessary for us to have a will to live. It is one of the primary distinguishing characteristics of the human being. Animals do not need purpose in their lives. Human's crave meaning. It is unlikely that anyone who lacked a sense of purpose ever lived a happy life. Having a sense of purpose is more powerful than the need to be with other people. Finding meaning in our lives takes two forms. The belief that our lives have meaning and that life itself has meaning, both are necessary to happiness.

Personal meaning comes from three sources, relationships, work and causes. Great happiness comes from family. Most men derive meaning and purpose from providing financial support for their families. Most women find happiness from providing emotional support to their families. Children find meaning as members of the family. The meaning that comes from work is unrelated to the money earned. Lawyers who work for people they do not respect find little meaning in their work, while volunteers and teachers can find immense meaning.

Attachment to a cause can bring the most meaning but it can also be the most perilous. This can be a substitute for other meaning givers like relationships. History is filled with people who have looked to causes for meaning and done a great deal of evil through them. The cause that gives the most meaning to men and women is religion. The decline of religion in the world has done a great deal of harm to the world. Causes are the best when they are built on strengthening human relationships. The dominant intellectual says that less thoughtful people need God. In fact it is the thinkers who most need religion.

And finally from that chapter I will end with this quote... "To be a good person it is always necessary to ask before doing something, 'Is it right?' to be physically fit, it is necessary to ask before eating something, 'Is it healthful?' to be a happy person, it is necessary to ask before acting, 'Is it meaningful?' the problem, of course, is that the good action, the healthful food, and the meaningful behavior are rarely the most enticing of our choices-which only proves, once again, that the greatest battle for happiness is with our own nature."

And I would say that is good enough for now. I am trying to both get through this book and start studying for my classes at school so I am going to have to make every minute count going forward but it feels good to have goals to work on and things to learn, and new ways to grow as a person.