Pros and Cons

Okay, so let me just say that I am happy to be here in Hawaii. I should also say that there have been a few moments when I have asked myself, "What have I done?" I kept reaching these points where there was no backing out. I don't know if I had time to process what a huge commitment this move would be for me and how much work it was going to be to get here. I am living in a home that costs me 50% more per month and has about half the space. It is nowhere near as nice and I am earning zero equity in the mean time.

Yet somehow I feel like the Lord has led me here. When I looked at all of the places I could be happy with, everything led me here. It was the only place that seemed to really see the value in me as an employee, and allowed me to keep my pension and retirement insurance benefits. However, many of the locals seem to not be so happy that I am here. Locals in other departments have been very welcoming but the locals in my department have given me the cold shoulder.

Not sure what the dynamics are I stepped into exactly, but my department isn't exactly showing me their aloha spirit. I was forewarned that this would be the case. I have heard countless stories of racism against Caucasians here and somehow I was hoping that things would be different at BYUH or that the racial tensions would be a little less obvious.

Oh well I suppose it is just the price I pay to live in paradise. I LOVE breathing in all of this oxygen. It really does seem to relax me, which I totally NEED. I went for a short run this morning even though I am on the tail end of a cold and it felt so good to run without getting out of breath. I am not sure if life up in the mountains will be for me again. I don't know if I will be here past my 3 year commitment but if I am, I'd like to buy something, but I don't know if I will ever make enough for it to really make sense. Homes are CRAZY expensive compared to Utah but I really hate throwing my money away in rent.

There are a lot of smells I am getting used to, most of them are good but I think that something has died behind my fridge or stove. I smell it every time I walk in the door and I am afraid I am going to have to tell my landlord that I will be moving out if he can't figure out what it is and get rid of it. I am sure he knows that something doesn't smell right in here because he left me with two air fresheners that I can't really stand the smell of either. When he was helping me get moved in I asked him about the smell and he was in total denial. I guess he didn't really want to deal with it, but it isn't going away on its own. It could also be mold but nothing is really wet enough to grow mold as far as I can tell.

I have made two trips to Wal-Mart and Costco (I have to drive an hour to get to both) and one trip to TJ Maxx and I am starting to feel like I have what I need to function well, after spending close to $500. Now I just want a mop and a bucket and maybe a TV would be nice. I also found my old vacuum on Craigslist which I am looking forward to using today. My place needs a serious scrub down, and if I can find what is causing that smell, I will really feel good about this move.

I have learned that I drive too fast to blend in like a local, that locals like you more if you bring them good food, and that I can only afford produce if I get it at Costco. I still need to learn the ins and outs of recycling and how to read the waves and the currents so I don't die.