Science of Happiness (part two)

I finished the book and to my shock and dismay I see that there is no magic formula for happiness.  Makes me feel like I just wasted my time.  ;) Seriously though, my search isn't over after this post.  I have a DVD to watch called "happy" and we'll see what gems of wisdom I can glean there.  After that I plan to look at spiritual sources of happiness. In the mean time, here are the final points made in the book...

• The reason we regret not doing things more than doing them is because when we look back on things we did we can put a positive spin on things.  We can look at what we learned from the situation.  It is also easier for us to justify courage than cowardice.
• Our psychological immune system often acts as a defense mechanism.  When our experiences make us feel unhappy, our system "cooks the facts" and shifts blame to offer us a more positive view.
• If we are in a painful situation our pain can be lessened if we believe we are suffering for something of greater value.
• Sometimes mystery works to our benefit in the happy world, because when we have too many facts it is much easier to explain the situation away.  If I did the best of everyone on the test, it will make me feel pretty great but when I learn that only two people took the test and our scores were really close, we can just go ahead and dismiss all the positive feelings we had to begin with.  Mystery can also help us remember things because we spend so much time trying to understand them. 
• We naturally but incorrectly assume that the things that come to our mind easily are the things we have frequently encountered.  We tend to remember the most memorable/awful experiences and base our future predictions of happiness on these events. Because of this we usually grossly overestimate our feelings when predicting the future or remembering the past.
• Large amounts of money don't make people happy but people are taught that the production of wealth will make them happy.  In a way it is a good delusion because it makes people strive for wealth which serves the needs of a stable economy, which serves the needs of a stable society... then he went on to joke... which serves as a network for the propagation of delusional beliefs about happiness and wealth.
• Society likes to tell us what will make us happy weather it is making money or having babies, these things don't necessarily make us happy but they benefit society which benefits us.
• We do a much better job predicting our future happiness when we talk to people who are in the situation we are looking to get into, rather then using our own imaginations.
• Most people don't know that they are really like most people.  The average person does not see himself/herself as average.  We do see ourselves less biased than everyone else.  We don't always see ourselves as superior but almost always unique.  We also tend to overestimate other's uniqueness as well.  Because we see ourselves as unique, we very often reject the lessons that the emotional experiences of others could teach us.

Well that is about all I have for you today.  Maybe you agree and maybe you disagree but the fact that all of this information is backed up by scientific studies I have a hard time arguing with the guy.  The only thing I may argue is that he still hasn't told me the formula for true lasting happiness, just a lot of the little points that can affect it.  My search shall continue! 

Science of Happiness (part one)

So I am doing my own little research project right now just because I think that everyone needs to know how to have more happiness in our lives to the extent we can control it.  I hope I don't bore anyone but there is A LOT of information about this topic and likely some differing viewpoints.  This will probably be the first of many posts on this topic coming from different authorities. It pretty much got started when I watched this video  It got me thinking and I wanted to know more, so I looked into the guys book.

Apparently I am pretty impatient when it comes to becoming happy because the book started to get on my nerves.  The author is very wordy and sometimes I have a really hard time telling where is he going or why.  So I am going to spare you the trouble of reading this book and give you all the highlights. You're welcome.  :)

Here is what I have learned so far...

• We are different from all other animals because we have a frontal lobe portion of our brains that allows us to think about the future, make plans, imagine and predict the outcome of different situations.
• We like to have options even when having too many options can make us miserable because we can never come to a final conclusion.
• We like to be in control of our lives and feeling out of control or being unable to predict the future can make us miserable.
• Happiness is hard to define because we each experience it differently.  I may be happy eating freshly cooked squash and others shake their heads in disbelief.  No matter what a person does, they are doing it in an effort to achieve happiness now or in the future. This rings true whether they are feeding the homeless or hanging themselves.
• Sometimes our emotions can fool us.  We feel something and we may attribute the feeling to one thing but we are actually feeling it because of a different reason than we are thinking.
• We are terrible at predicting what will make us happy.
• Tragic events can bring out our resilience and make us happier afterwards than we would have been if the tragedy had never happened before. 
• The human mind tends to exploit ambiguity and imagine things affecting them far worse than they actually would/do. 
• Greater complexity creates loads of ambiguity that begs to be exploited. 
• People tend to put a positive spin on things that they own or belong to them or that they cannot change. 
• We all have a psychological immune system.  A healthy system strikes a balance that enables us to feel good enough about our situation to cope but bad enough to do something about it.
• Our feelings towards all things is a mixture of reality and comforting illusion.  This doesn’t change the reality only how we see it.  People have a tendency to see what they want to see and look for the evidence that supports their view.  People have a very hard time seeing where on this spectrum they are, because we think that things have to be how we see them.
• People seem to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did. 

That is as far as I have gotten in the book (about 2/3) but I knew if I waited too long my post would get to be too long and I would lose all three of my faithful readers.  :)  More on all of this later, until then I hope you're happy!

Real Heroes

I just finished watching my favorite Memorial Day movie.  It is called "The Medal".  It is the story of many who have won the Congressional Medal of Honor and tells what they did to earn it.  The Medal of Honor is the United States of America's highest military honor, awarded for personal acts of valor above and beyond the call of duty. It was created to give recognition to men who distinguished themselves "conspicuously by gallantry and intrepidity" in combat with an enemy of the United States.  Many of the people who received the medal gave their lives to save the lives of others.  I am always inspired every time I see it.  They have truly lost themselves in the service of others and all seem to claim that they were only "doing their jobs".  I always feel good watching it because I see examples of truly amazing people who stand up to do what is right in this world that seems to be going so wrong.

 They do a very good job showing how we have failed to recognize real heroes in this country.  Right now we just idolize people on TV, in movies or in sports.  There are so many who look to these people and they want to become just like them.  It just goes to show how far off we are from the many values this country was founded on.  I for one am truly grateful for my freedom and for all who have paid the price for me to have it. 

Squash Babies

This is my second attempt at growing squash, and my third time trying to garden.  What I wouldn't give for a REAL garden.  For now I just have to settle for gardening in pots.   The first gardening attempt didn't go so well.  I got some plants from Wal-Mart and some pots and soil and I went at it.  I got a few tomatoes and some bell peppers out of that, but what I got out of it I am sure didn't come anywhere close to the amount of money I spent on everything.  Then I tried to grow some squash out of seeds that I had scooped out of some tasty squash that I cooked.  I got them going but then they died.  I think that both times I overwatered them.  I guess I just figured any extra water would drain out the hole in the bottom, not so.  I also want to blame the NASTY grasshoppers that seemed to fancy my tomato plants.  This is my third and possibly final attempt at gardening.  At least this time I didn't spend any more money.  I just used some seeds from squash that I ate and have saved for probably 2 years, and I reused old pots and soil.

Fingers crossed that I will have some amazing bundles of joy to show you when this summer is over.  I am a little concerned that some of the pots aren't big enough and then I have the problem of two plants growing too close to each other but I will be grateful for anything I get at this point. 

 

There's No Place Like Home

So I just spent the last week in Laie, HI and after being there and meeting with the people I could work with, I am pretty sure that I can be just as happy at home, here in Salt Lake.  I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz when she says, " if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"  I have done this a few times in my life.  It sure is easy to be unhappy about a certain aspect of your life, and it is even easier to fantasize about a perfect life without any problems, but there are always going to be problems and challenges and if there weren't then this wouldn't really be life, where we have to be challenged to learn and grow. 

Hawaii was great and I did have fun catching some rays and waves, but it would also have plenty of challenges as well.  The cost of living is a LOT higher, the LDS Mid-singles population seemed non-existent, bugs run rampant, mildew is a reality, and everything either seems to rust or wear out faster.  For now I am just going to keep it as a favorite vacation spot, and learn to be as happy as possible in my current situation.  

 

 

REJECTED

I applied for two jobs in Hawaii.  I had an interview with BYUH that did not go well.  I am just too out of practice, so it was good in the sense that it gave me more experience, but it didn't go so well and I knew it.  I got my rejection email from them last Friday. 

I applied for another position with the Physical Facilities Department in Hawaii, and my coworker Steve even put in a good word for me and I just got the email from them telling me that I was not selected for an interview. 

I should maybe feel sad but the truth is that I feel nothing but relief.  I had a lot of anxiety building up to such a huge life changing move and it was getting to be too much for me.  I think for now I am just going to work on being happy where I am at, because the truth is my life really isn't so bad.  ;)

Meeting Cameron

So I have been watching this guy on the bus.  I saw him a few times a few months ago but I had not seen him for a while.  I swore that the next time I saw him I was going to try to talk to him.  He seems like he is in his 20s and he has a mullet cut that he may have given himself. The other times I saw him my heart ached because after watching him I am sure he has some type of mental disability and people seem to be so rude to him.  He is probably one of the friendliest people I have ever seen and he smiles, waves and says hi to everyone in close proximity and one by one, I watch as everyone around him seems to act like there is something wrong with him.  They may say hi, but they usually seem annoyed that someone is interrupting their reading or they can't tell that he has special needs and they think that he is strange.  I am sure that he is probably just lonely and is trying to make connections and in the end I don't know how he can leave that experience on the bus not feeling more ignored and alone.

I don't know what it is about a lot of special needs people but it seems like they aren't all bogged down with the same fears that seem to keep so many of us trapped in our own prisons that we make for ourselves.  I remember when my sister Marie, who has Down's Syndrome,was in gymnastics or out on the dance floor looking for a guy to dance with.  I am trying to remember when she ever showed any level of social fear.  I can't think of a time. 

Well I saw this bus routine happening for the third time today and I just couldn't take it anymore.  I have never been one of the people he has talked to because he usually sits towards the front and I am up in the back of the bus, I have always tried to make eye contact with him and smile at him but he rarely looked back as far as I was.  I wasn't sure what I was going to say but I had to say something so I picked up my bags and I went and sat behind him at the next stop.  I said, "I have seen you on the bus before, and you seem very friendly, are you looking for someone to talk to?"  He said, "Yes, I am very friendly."

He asked me if I was going to work and I said that I was going home from work.  I was surprised that he didn't even know where Temple Square was but he knew what Welfare Square was.  I asked him if he had a job and he said that he didn't but he wanted to work at Salt Lake Archery.  I asked if he liked to shoot bows and arrows and he said he didn't but it just seemed like it would be a nice place to work. I asked him if they were hiring and he said that he didn't know.  I told him I had been there before and he didn't even know where it was.  I tried to give him directions because it was close to where he was getting off.  Hopefully he found it okay.  He was first going to check out a new skateboard park nearby.  He said that he did like to skateboard.

Hopefully I will run into him on the bus again soon.  Hopefully he doesn't think I am hitting on him but that is just the price you pay to be nice sometimes.  I just wish Marie was here in Utah and I would take those two out for a good time.  I would just have to keep my eye on Marie.  She is in need of a good chaperone when she is in the company a man.  She has been boy crazy about as long as I can remember.